IT stories: Rumble in the bus

We are starting a series called IT stories which will be released weekly apart from our normal posts. So this week on IT stories I have a story that will leave you shedding tears from laughing too much brought to you by your favourite writer Joseph(a.k.a kpam).

I was on my way back from church(winners chapel), I went for first service so after I took okada in front of the church to toll gate then from there to Iyana Ipaja this is when the incident happened. You know how staff don't pay money when they enter bus apparently the bus driver didn't agree and told the staff he must pay money or don't enter but he entered anyway. So half way when the conductor asked for money he refused to pay, the staff was a young police officer he looked like he was in his early 30's, the driver stopped the bus went to the passenger side(that's the front seat) and told him to come down he refused this is when argument started while this was going on I was in the bus listening to music on my phone with one ear plugged in I wasn't really concentrating on what was happening around me until suddenly I heard a loud sound KPA!!!!  immediately I looked in the direction of the sound and I saw the policeman holding his face his look was just too funny like he couldn't believe it.

IT Stories 2

Lately I’ve seen comments referring to my posts as long and boring, well maybe you’re just not concerned with what I think about, someone else probably is (I hope), well what did I expect when the majority of my audience are my friends who aren’t deep enough for such (you know yaselves). So today I will also post a story, I don’t have a lot of funny experiences and such but I’ve tried my best to find the closest to funny so you have to make do.

Back in February, before I stopped working at that annoying Idea Konsult of a workplace my boss used to consult me on important matters (I'm bad like that), and as always he had a decision to make and he wanted my opinion on the matter. He came to me and was like

“Kayode, I’m thinking of buying a plasma but my wife insists we should use the money for something else, should I buy or nah?”

It was a no brainer, always go with the wife if you want to be happy that is, but for some reason he wanted me to spell it out for him so I did.

Fast forward two weeks, on a Monday I got to work to find my boss was not on seat, odd since I was always the last to resume (no comments please). My boss waltzed in about three hours later grinning from ear to ear, not the Pharrell Happy type grin, I’m talking the there’s crazy gist to be told kind grin (the guy loves talking) and of course there was. He called everyone in the branch together (we were just six) and began to give us the gist. 

WHAT IF.....

First of all for those of you who think I am Sam from my post IT stories, it wasn't me oooooo I have better game than that just so you know. This post is specially for those of you who have seen a girl(fine girl oooo) in a bus, taxi or keke  e.t.c when going to a semi far location and during the journey when you should be talking to her you just stay there thinking about it and trying to build up your courage then before you know it she drops at a bus stop, you my friend are a sad guy. let me tell you of my experience maybe it will teach you something.

On a Saturday a while back, went to see one of my guys who lives at bagada, so on my way back I took airport road back from Oshodi and I stopped at 7 and 8 then took keke to canoe (it is in Ajao Estate and I still wonder why they call it that because there is no river there). So I was about to take keke to Iyana Ejigbo where I live and that's when I saw her. She was fair, very beautiful and had a nice shape, we entered the same keke I made sure of that. So now I'm in the keke with this beautiful girl and all that is in my mind is how am I going  to talk to her, she had her ear piece on, should I just tap her and ask her for her name, or tap her and tell her straight "I have to say you look beautiful just had to tell you that" I know girls love hearing that so I was thinking what if what if........I just tapped her and asked her what song she was listening to, she said Mirrors by Timberlake so from there the conversation started, she was friendly and laughed at my jokes and when we finally reached Iyana Ejigbo I took her number before we parted ways didn't call her immediately, I waited for a day then called her (Told you I've got game) and we talked for a while, I later found out she lives at Ajao Estate just went to see a friend the day I saw her in the keke and she didn't have a bf  lucky me. Anyway three weeks later she invited me to her house on a Saturday. I went over to her house, her

Every Second Counts

During the week I attended the burial of my uncle’s wife who died during the Nyanya bomb incident. At first I didn’t want to go cuz I really didn’t know her or her family that well, in fact I only had one memory of meeting her which was at the beginning of this year when she came over with her husband, but after my cousin and a friend told me to I changed my mind. When I first got the news I didn’t know how to feel, I knew I was supposed to feel sad but at that moment I questioned my own emotions, was I feeling sad because I was actually sad or just because that was what was expected of me. As I drove to work that day I pondered on the uncertainty of life, there’s no way she could have seen it coming, she was just on her way to work and without warning of any sort her life came to an end. While thinking I imagined a truck crushing my car or a crazy driver hitting me from the side and I thought to myself, I could die this very moment, a second is all it would take and nothing would change besides the fact that my life ended, the few people who cared would mourn for a short while and move on but nothing else would have changed besides the fact that I was dead.

I had pondered on that before but never had it seemed so real, probably cuz that’s what happened to that woman it no longer seemed like a far off thought, it could happen and what could I say I did with my time. So I have decided to live every day to the fullest I possibly can, I’ll try to put a smile on someone’s face, do something new and exciting, take in the joy and wonder of being alive and worry less about the future that I might not see, as Kpam would say, life is a definitely maybe. Maybe you’ll see tomorrow, maybe you’ll pass that exam, maybe you’ll be rich, maybe you’ll be a star, maybe your wife will be hot, but one thing's for sure, in this moment you’re alive so make the best of it. Every second counts.

IT stories

Today's post is about my IT so far.When you enter university(especially mine).what is on your mind is cant wait to finish or cant wait to do IT especially if you are doing an engineering course. I have learnt two major things so far in this IT.First is, my school doesn't teach us shit only the basics that's only theory theory and very little practical which is the major problem with many Nigerian universities. The second is, money is very important.Anyway that's for a later post. For this post let me tell you of some funny incident that has happened during this IT period.I have seen so many funny thing especially on my way back from work.From seeing a convertible keke(no roof),a passenger in my bus telling the conductor to conduct himself(I know right that's deeep), a policeman dancing in the middle of the road and he was not even dancing well I thought he was mad.
                                               
 and a man that was dancing in a teletubbies outfit getting stoned pure water.These are just few things that I see happening when am coming back from work, you will think my life is a comedy movie.The main story I want to tell you happened to my friend during this IT.So now imagine you want to ask a girl out for a dinner or to the movies etc. will you.
A. Take a public bus
B. Take a bike
C. Take a cab or
D. Take your car(that's if you have any).

THE MONKEY KING: IMPRISONMENT

The story began here- THE MONKEY KING: THE BEGINNING 

And continued here- THE MONKEY KING: HAVOC IN HEAVEN

This is the conclusion.

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With all of their options exhausted, the Jade Emperor and the authorities of Heaven appealed to the Buddha, who arrived from his temple in the West. They pleaded with Buddha to help them stop the Monkey King and he agreed. Buddha approached Sun Wukong (Monkey King) and made a bet with him, he bet Sun could not escape from his palm with a single jump. Sun Wukong, knowing that he could cover 54,000 kilometers in one leap, smugly agreed.  Sun jumped and landed somewhere that seemed like the end of the world in seconds, all that was visible were five huge pillars, Wukong decided that he had surely reached the ends of heaven so he signed “Great Sage equal of Heaven” on one of the pillars and also urinated on it (to mark his territory I guess, let’s not forget he’s part monkey), and with another leap he was back on Buddha’s palm. He told Buddha he had won but Buddha told him he was still on his hand and then Sun realized the five pillars he saw were actually Buddha’s fingers when he saw his ‘autograph’ and well urine on one of them.

THE MONKEY KING: HAVOC IN HEAVEN

It began here- THE MONKEY KING: THE BEGINNING
                                               
                                             ***********************************

When the news about the Monkey King’s behavior reached the Jade Emperor he decided to offer the Monkey King a position in heaven in an attempt to control him. Upon receiving the new Sun (The Monkey King) was very happy, he believed the gods had finally accepted him as their equal and made his way to the Jade Emperor’s palace. Upon his arrival he was welcomed by the Jade Emperor and was offered a position as the Protector of the Horses to watch over the stables, which was the lowest job in heaven. When Sun discovered this he was enraged, his anger led to open defiance which lead him to rebel against heaven, he proclaimed himself “Great Sage, Equal of Heaven”. He went on to ally with the most powerful demons on earth, after which he set the cloud horses free (the gods needed them for transportation I guess).

Introduction to the co-writer

First of all I didnt want to do this(be a co-writer on his blog) but my friend kayode(the owner of the blog) begged me and prostrated for me after which I still said no because I didnt want to be associated with a dude who writes boring long thoughts on a blog,I mean dats why they invented the journal dude. Anyway after considering it for a while and then he continued begging.So I just pitied him since am the awesomest person in the world(obviously after barney stinson, #TrueStory) you get the point. Really the truth is that they are so many blogs nowadays so what will make this one different or better than the rest, well I will leave you to decide. long story short he writes the boring long stories and I will write the funny short ones. I mean (Read the picture)

So here are some funny pictures i saw online, look and comment or i will murder you in your sleep... enjoy.

                                                                           BOO!!!

THE MONKEY KING: THE BEGINNING

Lately all this superhero stories have followed the same trend, the villain starts out stronger or gains some great new power that gives him an edge over the hero, and after overcoming a series of trials the hero defeats the almost victorious villain, who practically had a cake walk until when it mattered the most. I’m tired of such plots, I know it’s fun watching someone surmount unbelievable odds, but watching the same thing many times over gets tiring.

Sadly there are just not many stories that don’t follow this trend, and I began to think maybe without this trend hero stories would suck. I was wrong. There’s this manga I’ve been reading and the protagonist is crazy strong, like I’m yet to see a bad guy that can actually beat him and the story is still very interesting, of course he goes through tough challenges but at least it’s not cuz he’s weak or anything.  The character is called the Monkey King, I knew it was from folklore of sorts but I wasn’t sure which and was interested in it, so I went on find out all I could about it, so here is the story of the badass Monkey King who shook the heavens.

Nigerian Parents

My parents are typical Nigerian parents. Over the years I've gotten used to their ways as every Nigerian child who loves his life must. I obeyed the rules, did the chores and whatever else they asked of me, but i'm not hear to talk about how good a son i am (though my mom would probably disagree with the good part) i'm here to talk about the craziness that is living with a Nigerian parent.

I remember back in the day, when my siblings and i got beat on the daily (yes we were stubborn children) and then you'd be wondering what instrument of back or yansh destruction would be unleashed upon you.

Replace the spoon with a pankere/slim wooden instrument of pain

The annoying part was we could never just get beat alone, we also had to get punished too, from the hours spent on my knees with my arms above my head to the picking of an invisible pin (seriously whoever came up with this is just wicked) and more.

Nigerians, Corruption And Idealism 2

Everyone is corrupt

In Nigeria, corruption has become a lifestyle, and when it’s time to appoint blame we’re quick to point fingers to the leaders, but the truth is each and every citizen of this country is to blame, yes everyone is corrupt. I heard about a song by Lagbaja a while ago but being who I am I completely forgot about my decision to download it and recently after hearing someone at work singing another song by the legend I just decided to go online and download some of his songs and yeah I came across the song and finally downloaded it, it’s called 200 million mumu. The song talks about the mumurity of us Nigerians and that if we want to blame anyone for the poor state of our country we should go far since we all have mirrors. I agree. Everyone in this country is corrupt. I was on an okada the other day and we were flagged down by two policemen, after almost twenty minutes was spent inspecting the okadaman’s papers one of the policemen was like

Chairman just drop something make we no waste your time.

I thought he was joking, we had been in the sun for twenty minutes and now he was talking about not wasting our time, the okadaman later handed him 150 naira (without my knowledge of course, I for don para) and these are the kind of people we have watching over us. When the people that are meant to combat injustice are openly engaging in it then what hope does an average citizen have.

My Thoughts On The Bowen Riot And Other Relating Mathers

This post is long like seriously long compared to most of my other posts, maybe cuz the issue relates to me so much, so if you don't wanna read long ass stuff, yes James and Lash i'm talking to you guys, you can just quit now.  

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ALUTA!

I met up with a friend of mine who schools in Bowen University where there was an insurgence recently and he gave me the gist of the incident. I understand perfectly why they thought the riot was necessary. The school management decided to increase their school fees while basic amenities like electricity and water were lacking, they had light for just about three hours every day and water became a scarce commodity, also new unreasonable rules were springing up regularly and the complaints of the students were falling on deaf ears. The Vice chancellor of the institution was described as stubborn, arrogant and greedy.

I also attend a private university and I can understand why they felt they had no other choice but to do what they did. In most private universities in Nigeria students don't have a voice and our opinions do not matter in the least and you know what they say about backing people into a corner for too long. The reaction from students of other private unis including mine wasn't what i expected, instead of showing support for the bowenites who were brave enough to take a stand they have decided to criticize them for their actions, they were referred to as touts and undisciplined individuals amongst others. Come on, some were even asking why they didn't opt for a peaceful protest instead, that would never work, they would probably just get the details of the protesters and punish them, labeling their crime as "Gross insubordination" and "Disrespect for the university's core values" , something like that.

Nigerians, Corruption And Idealism 1

This post is not about oil, not directly anyways

What is wrong with Nigerians?  I have seriously pondered on this issue of the government and corruption, and everyone speaking from a moral high ground when the government is involved. This question always comes up,

If you were in a position of power would you do better?

A lot of people are quick to defend their supposed moral standards, claiming they would do way better than our current leaders and take a stand against corruption, I yimu. The current leaders were once spirited youths like us, they probably professed their love for our country and her people, and that if they ever held a position of power they would be a beacon of hope. Well we can all see that didn’t happen, but I refuse to believe they are running this country into the ground because it’s in their nature, they probably encountered circumstances their resolve was too weak to handle, and that changed their view of the world. Almost everyone who claims they can’t fall into corruption haven’t had a real test of their integrity, it is easy to talk big when you haven’t been tested, our leaders were tested, they failed and they started out just like you and I.

We also have the other set of people who tell the truth, they know they’ll also launder public funds if they were given the chance. I like this group, they speak the truth. And yeah they should never ever be allowed into the government; even without going through those moments that shake your ideals they already have the mind-set that’s destroying the country, if they are allowed into government they would perform just as poorly as the current government (only devil himself could perform worse). They claim they can steal money and also improve at the same time. Wash. Even those who originally had no intention of stealing end up engaging in the dirty deed and they end up helping no one but themselves talk more of this people.

As a nation we need lack idealism and that is what we need to change the situation in our country.

                                                    ****************************

That's all for now, continues next week didn't have time to finish up and it would have gotten really long.

Life And Money

Moving on, today's post is about a conversation i had with a friend of mine. At my old job i was getting paid (twaz small tho) but at my new job there's no pay, like the way this people do us IT students though but anyways i prefer it here, better hours, not the only IT student, there's AC and lets just say its better but no pay. My friend (Kpam) told me i should consider changing again since there's no pay but i said money isn't all that important and he was like

Then he went on to tell me that money is everything and that anyone who thinks otherwise is naive. I don't think i'm naive, i know thats exactly what a naive person would say but still i don't believe money is all that important. He replied with

I agree that anyone in need would realise that money is important, and i know money is very important and all but still i don't agree with the way people thirst after money going to great lengths to get more even after they have enough. Money in of itself is nothing, its just the means to an end. We don't need money cause of money's sake, we need money cause of what money can get us. For example, a lavish lifestyle, ladies, popularity and power. But in the end isn't happiness the most important thing cuz even with all the money in the world you could still feel empty inside.

Like for real though to me money isn't that much of a priority, think about it, most of the great men alive and dead never saw money as a priority, all they wanted was to achieve a goal and to bring their dream to life, the money came later even though they weren't particularly chasing it. And also every Dick, Tom and Harry out there are also busy chasing that paper, and just how many of them get that money. I'm not saying you won't be rich if you love money, and i'm not saying you would if you don't, i'm just saying be content with what you have and chase a dream and not the money.

My pal Zig

I'M STILL ALIVE

I'M BACK! Who missed me? Don't pretend you didn't i know you did. Whoa haven't been here in a while, i can almost hear that sentence from that Eminem song Evil Twin "Welcome back to the land of the living my friend, you have slept for quite some time", well its not my fault, its the lack of Internet that caused it. Yeah I know how can a human live without the Internet, it was horrible. No twitter, no 9gag, no manga (if i hear), and no blogs. Yes i can feel your sympathy and i appreciate it, kind of, but I'm back. Why i had no access to the Internet you ask, well cuz my former workplace that's supposed to deal in all things computers didn't have Internet thats why. Don't worry I'll expatiate on the horrors of that place in my next post but for now just know I'm back and have a new place with Internet and AC (yes I see you Banky). I just started today and be rest assured the posts will keep on coming.