Weird Stuff: Chinese Hitchhiker Pays For Trips With Sex

The Hitchhiker

So this 19 year Chinese girl decides she wants to take a tour of her country and since she had no money she thought of a brilliant way to take the tour for free (sort of). She posted an ad on Chinese website Weibo saying she's looking for "temporary boyfriends" who must be "good looking, under 30, taller than 1.75 meters and, of course, rich", her plan? To have them pay for her trip to their respective cities and all expenses she might incur while there for a night of undivided attention and sex. In her words

"They will fund my transport to their city and all my expenses while I am there and they need to be generous. In return, they get a whole night with me, my undivided attention, and a chance to show themselves off in the company of a truly beautiful girl."

My Week With The Dean

So last week i had to suffer punishment laid out by the dean for doing absolutely nothing. The thing is the Dean came to my hall last week in the middle of the night to look for a student and guys acknowledged his presence by throwing a plastic pack and as i later heard a piece of bread at him and booing him as he attempted to leave. The dean seemed ready to overlook the fact that projectiles were aimed at him since he dodged them like the agents from Matrix but he just couldn't take the loud boos he got from the guys so he decided to come back in and pack as many students as he could and blame the incident on them. You see my room is by the balcony and that's where the students gathered to boo and hurl projectiles at him so he decided to judge all members of my room as guilty. So for a five days or so some unlucky sons of Eve and I had to join the crop of students the good dean had pick to torment for either committing actual offenses or getting caught in a compromising situation that is no way contrary to the rules, but as the dean made clear to us, impressions are more important than the truth. So for five days i was posted in a group that had to tell students passing by to remember to stick to the rules or correct those actually breaking it after-which we would report to a conference room wait for an hour then get lectured by the good dean.

After the duration of the punishment was over the dean requested we send him a one page report so to speak, about our experience and what we got out of it and this is what i sent:

You Can Only Choose One

I saw this earlier on thenakedconvos, a blog i read frequently and i decided to make this post it. Of the six pills in the picture you can only choose one so i have to choose the one i think i'll use most efficiently or that would be the most fun so here's my opinion on the pill selection pill by pill.

The Blue pill. Well that's an easy one, no way i'm choosing that one. Why would i choose something that would leave me lifeless in just ten years, unless i take it when i'm like 85 and i can't wait so many decades just to take the pill.

The Red pill. Yes the internet is important and stuff but come on, i can only choose one, no way i'm wasting my choice on the ability to check facebook and twitter or scroll through 9gag six times a day. I'll use my phone for that.

The Orange pill. Well i've never actually gotten high so i don't see why i would choose the ability to get high 4 times a day when i could choose to read minds or fly. Sure getting high sounds fun but seriously i could just buy high grade weed if i ever decide to touch the clouds of my mind.

The Black pill. The ability to see the future, nice. I can live with the hassle since i could just look into the future and use that information to get loads of money and always stay one step ahead of danger. The problem i have with this is the butterfly effect. The butterfly effect is when little ripples in time causes the future to change, so one little thing done differently might lead to a completely different future, just you seeing the future might have changed it already. Also it would be boring knowing almost everything that would happen, life without surprises is boringggggg.

Guest Post: How Technology Changes Our Lives

"Image courtesy of Ambro / FreeDigitalPhotos.net"

Modern technology is evolving at an alarming speed and is subsequently making a huge difference to the way that we live our lives today. From the innovative Smartphone to the handy tablet computer we are now more attached to our technological devices than ever before. And this is a quick look at the different ways in technology has changed our lives so far.

It’s not easy for many of us to remember life before the arrival of the television, mobile phone and the Internet, and it’s even harder for us to imagine life without these entertaining and useful gadgets today. They have become an integral part of our everyday life and we have come to rely on them. Gone on the days when we would have to leave the house to go shopping, pay a bill or chat with our family and friends. Today, we can quite simply do all of these activities and so much more at the click of a button making everyday life that little bit easier and more convenient. Infact, you can find anything online: information, games, chatrooms. When you discover you want to buy something, all you have to do is find an online shop or a free classified website such as this one and find whatever you need.

Lost In Ibadan

My car has been having different issues lately and so it spent a lot of time at the mechanics while i went back to my Okada hopping ways and today, after spending more than two weeks i got to drive it again. I had errands to run for my dad and on my way back i decided to take what i thought was a shortcut. I ended up roaming in the most rural areas of Ibadan completely lost. I visited some areas for the first time today, i felt i would still come out at a reasonable location if i kept going straight so i did, but after a long time on unfamiliar very narrow roads i decided to turn left and see where that road led. After a while i decided to buy gasoline has the gauge doesn't work and i wasn't sure of how much was left in the tank. Immediately i made my way into the filling station my roadmachine went offline. I thanked my stars it didn't happen in the middle of the road and went on to fill my tank thinking it was an empty tank that got it to go off, but well it wasn't. Turns out the radiator the mechanic was supposed to fix was now worse than before and it had swallowed up the three liters of water i put in it before heading out and was now empty.  Had to wait for more than thirty minutes to fill it again with six sachets of pure water before being able to continue my quest to find familiar land, the people around were very nice and helpful by the way. Long story short when i got home the radiator was dry again, i'm just praying this situation hasn't caused further damage to my ride.

Moral Lesson: Avoid unknown shortcuts and get a good mechanic.

My Friend's Encounter With Scam Artists

A friend of mine let's call her Aminat was on her way to work one morning when she boarded a cab. After a while someone alighted from the cab and went to the boot to get his luggage and after he had left the driver came back in to ask who owned a big ghana must go bag, a fellow sitting next to Aminat claimed it as his and the following conversation ensured between the occupants of the cab, Driver, Bag Owner, Aminat, Igbo guy and Old Woman

Driver: Wetin dey inside your bag?

Bag Owner: Na just clothes and other stuff.

Driver: E no fit be just clothes o, that bag heavy die, police fit stop us wan search so i suppose know
wetin dey inside.

Bag Owner: Oga na money dey inside o, my oga wey dey Kano die  and them allow us carry anything wey we want from him house, some people carry car, i no fit drive so i carry that bag of money.

Driver: How much money?

Bag Owner: Like 15,000 dollars, for naira na 480 million. (mathematics is definitely not his strong suit)

Everyone: What!!!!! (They can't calculate either it seems)

Driver: See this guy wey wan koba me o, you put that kind money for my booth you no tell me. You go settle all of us for here before you fit go since you put us at risk.

Aminat: i'm already late for work let me get off, you guys can settle yourselves.

Driver: You no fit comot o, you don hear the gist you have to finish it with us, no worry i go carry you go where you dey go.

Bag Owner: No worry i go settle all of una, the problem be say my oga put jazz on-top the money so if you touch am you go fall, na why i carry the entire bag.

Igbo guy: I sabi one pastor for one side, he go spoil the jazz for us.

100 Truths

Well saw this 100 truths stuff on a blog so decided to try it too, here goes.

1.
Last drink: Water
2.
Last phone call: Femi
3.
Last text message: "Later fam"
4.
Last song you listened to: ‘Car Radio’- Twenty One Pilots.
5.
Last time you cried: Last week when i watched 1000 Ways To Die In The West.
6. .
Dated someone twice: NO.
7.
Been cheated on: Not sure, but my gut says yes.
8.
Kissed someone:Does my mum count?
.9.
Lost someone special: Yes.
10.
Been depressed: But of course.
11.
Been drunk and threw up:  No. Never. I can hold my liquor.

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLOURS:
12.Grey
13. Yellow
14. Red
15. Rainbow.

HAVE YOU:

Guy Murders Seven Cause He's a Virgin

During the weekend i came across some horrible news, a 22 year old guy in California killed seven people and injured a number of others before finally taking his own life. Before he went on his killing spree he made a video, the video stated why he was gonna kill several people, he claimed he was hated by females as he has always been rejected by them and hence he's still a virgin at 22 and its time for retribution. This guy believed girls deserved to die for not accepting his advances and even decided to kill others just because he felt their lives were better than his. He had mental issues clearly, but really the glorification of sex by social media and everyone this days led to this, his father is wealthy so how does someone who has everything he could want except sex feel his life is a living hell. Sex is not everything, in fact sex is nothing special at all, its just sex, it shouldn't be made to seem more important than it actually is. I'm not even sure what else to say about this just click on the link to the video the guy made and drop you thoughts on the issue RETRIBUTION.

The Unexpected

It was on a Monday evening I was coming back from work  as usual very tired it was a stressful day , it was around 8:45 P.M when I dropped at my bus stop before I got home I had to buy some things so when I finally reached home it was 9:30 P.M. I took my bath and was about to sleep. Then I heard a knock on the gate, I thought it was my elder sister because she comes home late sometimes so I went to check who was knocking at the gate. I opened it without asking who it was and immediately I was knocked down with a gun. The next thing I saw was a gun pointed at my face , then another armed man entered... Now if you are reading this and have never had a gun pointed at you before the feeling is very terrifying. The guy pointing the gun at me told me if I shout, run or try anything funny the next thing I will see is the white light. So they told me to take them inside to my parents, as we were walking I started praying like never before in my mind pulling out some verses I never even thought I knew. 

Rate That Movie: Frozen

So for a while now there has been this huge buzz about this Disney animation Frozen, which apparently generated over a billion dollars at the box office. I just recently got the movie and decided to watch it over the weekend to see what all the fuzz was about. I tell you with heaviness of heart that the movie sucked way more than i expected, like there were irrational things happening even from the first scene. Why would any resonable adult bring a child on a ice picking or whatever trip, the risk is way too high, he could have fallen into the water and frozen to death, or just easily fallen off somewhere during the climb to the northern mountains where they get the ice. Later in the movie they made it clear that the boy had no family and thats why he was taken in by trolls, so i ask this, who were the men he went ice picking with in the first scene? They all had similar clothing and stuff so i figured they were in the same clan or whatever. And that movie makes the trip to the dreaded northern mountains seem like a trip to the park, like it takes them no time at all to go there and return.

Elsa or however her name is spelt has powers and no other person does, and how does this movie justify this, by saying she was born with them, wow that makes things so much clearer. The troll father or whatever said the heart would be a problem if frozen but the head is easily persuaded, like what! How does that even apply? Yea i know its animation and i should go easy on it but damn, that had too much bullshit in it. The King and Queen decided to lock up their little children forever, thats like pushing them to have pyschological issues right. And the wise father compels his daughter not to ever use her powers, instead of teaching her to control it since keeping it in check obviously wasn't working but hey, they needed a reaon for her powers to go crazy on her coronation so the father must be stupid. 

MY TURNING POINT

I have made some mistakes in my past which lead to some bad experiences but one of my worse experiences happened to me when I was 5 years old. When I was 5 years old we were still living in Ikeja in a flat, I am the last child among four children, I shared a room with my immediate elder brother which is 9 years older than me, the beds where double bunk beds. At 5 years old I was going through a phase which I will call curious stage when I will always test and see how things work. One day my curiosity got the better of me, I was playing with a lighter when I mistakenly dropped it on the bed at first I didn’t panic because I thought the fire won’t spread fast and even though I could go out of the room and call my siblings who were watching a movie in the living room but that is when I got it all wrong. The bed caught fire immediately then it spread to the top bed in less than 10seconds I ran to the door to open it that is when I remembered something vital my room door had a problem it couldn’t be opened from the inside only the outside. 

What Goes Around

So i was having my bath today  and i realised, everyone gets hit by the what goes around comes around shii i.e karma everyday without even realizing it. Think about it, after having your bath you clean your body with a towel, and you use said towel to clean you face, your arms and your corner corner parts i.e butt, dick, balls, pussy or what have you (for you aliens out there) and i realized something, everyday you use the towel to randomly clean each and every body part, its not like you keep track of what part of the towel you used to clean what body part right. And then of course at several points in time you must have used the part of the towel previously used to clean your privates to clean your face, its basically like putting your balls, butt and the rest on your own face, so you basically kiss your own ass way more than you would expect. The thought weakened me, i'm getting separate towels for my face and corners from now on.

IT Stories: Our First Lady

So all of you have decided not to send stories abi, continue. Na only your eyes waka come, instead make you contribute, there's God o. Today's IT stories is about our first lady, the self proclaimed Dame of the federal republic of Nigeria. All of you have probably seen her embarrassing display on national television but if you've been living under a rock you could check it here . So a few of us IT students were laughing while watching the video and then one man decided to defend the great dame, he said he was listening to a group of youths insult her previously and he wondered why us youths don't consider all the angles before dishing out insults. Big mistake, never enter into such an argument with me, never, its just too easy to win. In his opinion the first lady talks the way she does not because of her lack of education but because she's used to her native language and transitioning to English is difficult for her. Like seriously. Going into details of the argument would take too long and needless to say i attracted more people into helping him cuz he was obviously helpless in that argument, and yes i left them all baffled as i made them see the pointlessness in their argument (i'm good like that, and they were just 2).
                               
Now the main gist of this all is this, if you were the dame's child how would you feel and how would you react. And if you were in Pa Jona's shoes what would you do. The comment section is not for decoration use it.

In The Weird News Section

So i was chilling at home one day right, i was incredibly bored cuz my phone and laptop batteries were flat, so i decided to open a news magazine i saw lying around. Guess what i saw in the bizarre news section, remember my post about Crazy Church Names, well this church doesn't have a weird name, the name is White Tail Church or so, but their mode of worship is just plain crazy. Apparently in the church the congregation worships in the nude, asin butt naked with their instruments for bedroom tango put on display for the church to see. Like seriously i'm meant to come to church naked every Sunday and worship with a congregation that has females, what if i get a boner, would I be sent to the sinners corner or something. Detecting male first timers would be sooo easy, every guy with a boner is a first timer.

According to the pastor they worship naked because that's how God made man and that the most important moments in Christ's life happened when he was naked, when he was born, when he was crucified and when he arose. Not sure my bible says Jesus was naked when he was crucified and when he arose sure it stated that his clothes were left in the tomb but he wasn't naked when he appeared unto people was he. The pastor justified their style of worship by describing nudity as a great equalizer, he said people can't judge each other based on their articles of clothing so its impossible to segregate by wealth (true but won't segregation by what you're packing become the new thing). What will they come up with next.

POETRY OF THE HEART

This poem was sent to us by a reader read and enjoy you can also send your articles to jussiechillin@yahoo.co.uk or moyosademok@yahoo.com

Many things I'd say to you,
Of all the words none goodbye,
To gaze upon your eyes but for a moment,
A moment that'll last always in my heart.

A love that made the mountains quake,
To part the seas just for your sake,
None could contest in might & skill,
My all that I'd give to be with you.

Fairy tales and Laurent novels,
Told of men of old and nobles,
Making war and causing rifts,
All for a beloved fair maiden.

Day by day,Night after night,
I had cherished the thought of you by my side,
To call you beautiful an understatement,
Carved from the goddess of beauty her very self.