My First Attempt: JIGSAW

   Some days ago I witnessed something that was on its way to being a fight but ended up falling short. One guy with a death wish was yelling at another guy who is much bigger than him. As I walked away from the place which was in front of the cafeteria to my hall an entire movie sprung forth in my mind, I told a friend said story and he told me to post it so here it is, and I don’t usually write stories so try to cut me some slack-

   

   As Femi walked down the stairs which led out of the cafeteria with his dinner in hand he noticed something, a fight was brewing in front of him. The argument he witnessed upon going into the cafeteria was about to escalate into a fight. He hated fights, no one ever really wins in the end. One random guy he didn’t know was shouting at Jimmy, he thought to himself “This guy must have a death wish”, Jimmy the tallest fat guy in school and he had a reputation for being a bully, the guy yelling at him on the other hand would need a stool to look him straight in the eyes, but even against such odds he wasn’t backing down, far from it he was the one making the threats. Soon enough Jimmy broke through from the guys who were holding him back and rushed towards the other guy. The first hit came from the other guy who punched Jimmy in the stomach, it was ineffective probably because he was hitting a sea of fat, Jimmy hammered down on the guy as if he didn’t just get hit, first with his hand with connected with the top of the guy’s head, then he rained down on him punch after punch until the guy lost his footing and fell to the ground.

  

Crazy Church Names

Some years ago i came across a list of funny church names and quite frankly i think the founders said to themselves "Lets just get members in and start collecting tithes and offering". They probably just thought for a second and put the first thing that came up as their church's name. Some are just plain ridiculous, here's the list of some i can remember and some others i heard recently and my comments:


Run for your life ministries (i wonder how they would explain that)

Jesus Of God Mission, Imo State. (Noooo, na  Jesus of Ebuka)

Guided Missiles Church (They have the missile testing fields and everything)

Jehova Sharp Sharp, Festac

Satan in Trouble Ministry

FIST OF FURY, NTA road, Port Harcourt.  (Founded by Bruce Lee's Nigerian cousin)

Guys Love Girls In Yoga Pants

  In my school we have this compulsory fitness course which requires us to jog once every semester, and we just did that on Friday. One detail every guy made sure to take note of this time was that a lot of girls were wearing yoga pants. I didn't really notice at first when we were still on the lines preparing for the exercise, but when we started to jog, everywhere i turned there was a girl in yoga pants and it was awesome, just jogging behind a girl in yoga pants can help you shed your fatigue as you gaze at the awesome sight before you. Some guys decided to take fixed positions behind some girls and i later realised that a friend of mine that was jogging with me also dropped back for this same reason. This trend of yoga pants will motivate guys to come for the jogging exercise most people are not so fond of, and when jogging, it can help guys jog faster for example when you realise you're lagging behind you could site a nice shape in yoga pants far ahead and make that your checkpoint and jog up to her, after reaching the checkpoint check ahead for another and then make her the next checkpoint, continue until the finish. If only we had a yoga center or whatever, i would go there for sightseeing.

The Girl In The Red Dress

 Over time i noticed that in movies the hottest girl at a party (the ones where guys wear tuxedos and such) is usually the one wearing a red dress, and a sudden wind blows at her hair when she walks in like she paid a guy to aim a fan at her at that exact moment, and for some reason everyone leaves whatever they were doing and stare at her entry, almost as if there a drum roll playing from her direction at the moment she enters. And usually that's the girl the main character has a crush on but is too shy to talk to.

   I occasionally have such moments with girls i have a crush on, time seems to slow down and things start going in slow motion, basically the whole nine yards.......na just kidding i just end up staring at the girl and i stop when i think I'm being too creepy. Guys can crush on multiple girls at once or maybe its just me, and I'm blank on ideas on how to meet them. One of this days I'll just walk up to one of them and say the first thing that comes to mind what's the worst that could happen, as long as i don't say exactly what I'm thinking things should be fine. My current 'girl in the red dress' is in my department and i say to my self "Why shall i shy?"

INSPIRED BY JOSEPH THE KPAMSTER

Behind A Mask

I sometimes wonder how ladies looked back in the day, before the invention of makeup. Back then they would have actually had to show their natural faces in public, and guys wouldn't need to see them first thing in the morning to know how they really look. Back then the truth couldn't be hidden(about faces that is), but nowadays, we have a lot of fake beauty, some girls even put on makeup when they supposedly came to play sports, they usually end up ditching the sport and  chatting away with any guy interested in talking to them. Ladies like to hide their faces behind a thick layer of makeup, and sometimes you can misjudge their beauty based on their makeup, the makeup is equal to the beauty in some cases. Don't get me wrong i like a girl who can use her makeup well, especially when it just improves on the natural beauty that's already there, what i have an issue with is a girl letting the makeup become her face, when she turns her face to a canvas and slaps makeup all over it, its makeup not face paint. Makeup generally helps improve on beauty, but when used poorly it even makes matters worse.

Anime Talk: Shingeki no Kyojin

  For a while now I've been searching for a new anime that'll interest me. After finishing Sword Art Online, Code Geass(madly awesome), Nurarihyon no Mago and still keeping up with Naruto and One piece (I've been out of the loop for a while though) i needed a new anime that would excite me. After going through many boring animes i stumbled upon Shingeki no kyojin, i actually started with the manga before my friends started downloading the anime.

  Since Naruto and One piece have been dragging for a while its the most interesting anime for now, the story and the characters are cool. I like the concept and the fact that you don't know who is going to die next makes it even more interesting, but the concept would also make it difficult to make the story long since it won't allow for too much improvement on their powers, and they make some of the soldiers look stupid as they practically run straight into the titan's mouths and the gap in skill between the elite soldiers and the normal soldiers is too much considering they're all normal human beings (excluding the titan guys), but all in all, its cool and interesting and i want to see just how far it can go.

Majorly Awkward Moments

 Every guy has had all or at least most of this moments. Those moments

1.  When someone waves and you think he was waving at you and you wave back, but it actually turns out he was waving at someone behind you.

2.  When you tell a joke that you think is sooo funny that you 're laughing while telling it, but when you're done no one laughs.

3.  When you're walking alone and a group of people(majorly girls) walking behind you start laughing.

4.  When you walk right by someone you used to talk to but don't anymore.

It's Miley, Again!

 When i heard about what Miley did at the VMAs the first thing that came to mind was, either she wants more attention than she already has, or she wants people to stop seeing her as the Hannah Montana girl, it's probably the latter judging from her music videos. When i saw her last music video i didn't even bother to listen to the song i just hated it immediately, and the whole twerking issue was way over exaggerated, probably because it was Miley who did it. I'm not really sure it should be called twerking since it looked stupid, at least to me, and its not like she has the ass to twerk with anyways.

   Basically she's been on a quest to change her image like her pal Justin Bieber, and now she feels she has to get naked in her music videos to do that, and who would want to see her naked anyways its not like she has anything to flaunt.

The photos are from her video

Random Pic

A friend of mine told me i look weird in this picture and that the glasses don't suit me, well that's not what i see, i see myself in this pic as the iceman in a mafia movie (a gun would be somewhere there). I'll probably stay stuff like "Today's your lucky day, you're going to heaven" and "Sing your last praise" (because 'say your last prayer' is too mainstream) when i'm on the job. 

Beyond 'reasonable' doubt

WRITTEN BY UCHEYA IMMANUEL

  So it seems that nowadays people don't care for ideals as they ought to but rather lean upon the conventions stipulated by society when doing things. At random, comparing the two, it would appear that following convention is "safer" but then again, wouldn't you rather take calm of conscience over self preservation? (don't answer that). But really though come to think of it, why would someone indulge in something he/she knows makes no sense to said person just because over time it has been done by many and subtly become accepted in certain circles? maybe to "blend in"? Thing is you WILL blend in, with that circle of individuals that find it ok but in actuality you stand out where normal and mentally sound people are, as a person whose folly is distinguished. Enough with the overly articulate grammar, let's get down to the truth, why would a "plus sized" babe with excessive adipose tissue wear clothes that were obviously intended for the petite, all to try and look hot because the petite look hot in such kinds of clothes? then she ends up looking like a ripped stuffed animal that was sewn back but with not enough thread to hold all the stuffing in place, and subsequently she claims to have had her feelings hurt when peeps crossed to the other side of the road she was walking along and giggled as she passed by. why? why do that to yourself? did she think the disgust induced by such buffoonery would be converted into joy and gladness? i think not. Not to be overly lengthy, all i actually want to pass across is......be yourself! but be reasonable while at it.

My Yoruba Accent

   I wrote that i would write about the accent i used to have HERE and here it is. Growing up i got used to people assuming different things about me just from my appearance. The usual assumption being that I'm a classy, ajebutter kid, that jets out of the country on a regular and eats fancy stuff like pies, fruit cakes and the rest, but as a kid who grew up in Ekiti (not exactly a very developed state even by my standards) almost all their assumptions were wrong. As a kid who grew up in Ekiti, I barely even visited Lagos or any other state for that matter, not to talk of going out of the country. And i only saw stuff like pizza, pie, fruit cakes and the likes on TV, but i have always been classy and a little ajebutterish probably due to the fact that i watched a lot of foreign TV growing up, and my parents barely let my siblings and I  play with the street kids.

   I schooled mostly in Ekiti and its environs over the years, from primary school to junior secondary school, and there i was always one of the cool, classy, ajebutter kids but on moving to a school in Ibadan for my first class in senior secondary I realized i had an accent. At the first glance everyone still assumed the regular things, but once i opened my mouth and words came out, they started to think otherwise, unknown to me over the years i had picked up a Yoruba accent, and due to the fact that i was around fellow people with accents over the years i never noticed, amongst them i sounded like the classy one.

Girl Swallows Her Phone

 What has gotten into some people's minds nowadays, i read on a blog recently that a Brazilian girl swallowed her phone to stop her boyfriend from reading her texts, after which she had to be rushed to the ICU. After i read it i was puzzled, what the hell was she thinking , what did she have on her phone that would warrant such? Maybe she was cheating with multiple partners, or what do you think would make a girl do that?

My Week Of Rotten Luck

    This past week my luck really went south. I don't know what i did, maybe i broke a mirror while walking under a ladder past a black cat, then into a room where i opened an umbrella. Basically I've been riddled with bad luck lately, first some strange bumps appeared on my face (my fresh boy no pimples is on break for now), then a friend told me to check if his trouser got ripped but i later found out my trouser was ripped at the butt area (i don't know how) and it was a very long rip and i had to walk with it for a long time (i noticed the ladies checking me out), later i lost my wallet, and i searched for it for a long time, thank God a good Samaritan found it and brought it back to me intact (didn't even take 20 naira pack money which is more tempting to take than 1000 because of the lack of change), and after all the stress on that day i wanted to get food and after waiting on a line in the cafeteria the food finish right when it was my turn as if that wasn't enough i spilled my coke for the second time(I'm a recovering coke addict and its coca-cola o ).

   I also forgot my ID card in the lab that day, and we had chapel service on the day after, and then they decided to tell people without their ID cards to wait behind on the only day ever i was without it and as if that's not enough my second black trouser also tore at the same area, well the bad luck bar should have run out by now I'm tired of the thundercloud following me. I'll go get a four leaf clover, catch a rabbit and cut its foot off, throw salt over my shoulder, and go catch a leprechaun while holding a horseshoe all to get my luck up.

Law Abiding Citizen

  Today we were informed about some new ''rules'', its not like this is the first time, heck new rules come up whenever the management feels we're getting too comfortable with the existing rules they decide to come up with new rules to make our lives more difficult. As announced, from now on we are not allowed to wear shorts for some reason only known to them which would probably make absolutely no sense, they now expect us to wear trousers to the sports complex then change to shorts to play then after we change back? Soon we'll all have to wear tuxedos to sleep.
  
    They also announced that there should be no more interaction between members of the opposite sex as from 7pm, and some classes end by 7pm some by 8, so basically as soon as its 7pm and we're walking back from lectures, girls and guys must not talk, we should probably walk on opposite sides of the road. If they didn't want members of opposite sex to interact then they shouldn't have made the school co-ed, it could have been the first only male university or only female whichever, and maybe soon we'll only be allowed to stand at a certain distance from a girl, like a general restraining order, but its not like it affects me or anything (no parols) but it still annoys me sha.

No Internet

 

     The reason why i haven't posted in a while is because i've was denied access to the internet by my school. They changed our download qouta from unlimited to 100mb per day, like seriously what am i supposed to do with 100mb i checked out photos for 2 minutes and almost 10mb was already gone, so yeah its pretty annoying but as if that wasn't enough they blocked our access to the internet for almost a week supposedly for owing megabytes of data that we used before the 100mb system became active, a lot of people were owing 50mb to 300ish mb and some others owing 400mb and above i inclusive. We all thought after our daily quota burns up to the amount we owe our access would be restored but nope turns out they just wanted to lock us out (they probably had issues but i still feel twaz intentional). The login page has been taken down for now i guess they're trying to fix the problem but anyways the lack of access was annoying.