With 13 Billion Pounds

Every Nigeria not living under a rock should by now have heard of the 13 Billion Pounds that went walkabout from the nation’s coffers and is currently being pinned on ex minister fine lady Diezani. Thirteen Billion Pounds is an outrageous amount of money and I highly doubt she stole it alone but be that as it may I’m not here to talk about her level of guilt, I’m just here to talk about that money, what would I do if I had that much money?

13 billion pounds equals roughly 20 billion dollars which equals about 3.94 Trillion naira, that is much more than a buttload of money, with that kinda money you can give five thousand people 200 million naira and still too rich to care. If I had that kinda money:

• I would banish the Kardashians from all forms of media.
• I would have a lion, a panda and a wolf trained as my pets.
• I would finance research to allow humans understand dogs.
• I would buy a country and play SIMS with real people.
• I would just stop NTA from airing, they are embarrassing us.
• I would not enter the same car twice.
• I would buy a movie studio and make the stories in my head into movies.
• I would pay for hair transplant surgery for Wiz Kid’s chin.
• And lastly I would buy land on Mars since they just found water on it and all that.

 Ok now that I’m done with my fantasies tell me, what would you do if you had that much money?

How To Avoid Trailer From Jamming you

I'm sure you must have heard about the long lasting trend mostly on twitter #iwasinmyhouseandtrailercametojamme. Obviously it's a little late seeing the amount of casualties that have already been affected, I mean nobody is safe from these accidents casualties include and are not limited to day to day individuals, Twitter celebs and even real life celebrities.

So in this post I would be giving a couple ways you can avoid or save yourself from havoc if it should rise through this means.

Remain in your lane and wear a Safety Belt

I know you're most likely in your home and you may be thinking How the hell am I going to get a seat belt?  Just do it. Think before you tweet or write anything (where's the fun in that, I know right), avoid any insultive comments or innuendoes, try not to offend anyone, don't type much, just retweet and laugh like the majority of us. I advice against this it boring and it sucks.

Act as a road safety official

One of you duties as such an individual is to gather evidence, so you would snapshot such incidents when they occur and make those funny ass four picture tweets with the hashtag and you'll probably generate a large amount of retweets. I know this doesn't really prevent anything but it's so much fun.

Get A Bigger Trailer 

Some people come in with the mind to cause accidents not knowing their targets own larger automobiles in their Arsenal that can alter their sense of direction entirely. You have to have very fast, offensive, apt, sharp and painful replies to the other individuals initial attempt. Leaving him crushed and dumb founded.

So I hope you've learnt something new from this thought provoking article and you use it well, hope to do this again sometime soon and I wouldn't mind hearing from you what you think.

Lost

They say there's no love lost.

But what happens when you've lost love,

Or your love is actually lust?

They tell you to find someone,

Just to lose yourself to that someone.

And now you're lost, Lost in the midst of it all.

You feel empty and you turn to your devices,

Then move ahead, engross yourself with vices.

You blackout, yeah it's all a blur.

Failing to recollect all of the things that have occurred.

You retrace your steps, you missed it from the beginning.

All along you were lost, while thinking you were winning.

You realize what they told you a lot from it was missing.

They told you to find someone,

Just to lose yourself to that someone.

Finally intuition kicks in, really someone is you.

Jollof

Well if you are Nigerian and you're not aware of the recent comparisons between The Nigerian and Ghanaian Jollof you probably reside under a rock. I mean its a serious something i've seen the most hilarious and sometimes dense things that I could have never imagined relating to this topics.

But the major point is that Nigerian Jollof (especially Party Rice) is Phenomenal and should never be compared with anything else.
Well i'm going to just say I typed the post wearing the full amour of God, because its real outreach in the streets I could get murked by someone for this post because I personally (you don't have to regard my opinion, I mean what do I know, Please don't hurt me, I haven't told baby girl I like her yet, Gatts maintain my face...) think it's overrated did someone say Raheem Sterling?.
I know someone has already insulted me, probably even called me Insolent but let me at least try to make my point. I think Jollof rice is overrated because its frequently made hence it isn't so special any more you could find it readily made in bulk at various events i.e wedding, naming ceremonies, birthdays, burials and on Sundays after church so there's really not so much to it.
Also, while in school when you were served Jollof rice there was a high tendency that it would be filled with oil and by the time you get close to the bottom you wouldn't enjoy it as much it would just be nasty. I can only imagine the number of zits you could get from it. Urgh!
So I hope you're beginning to see my point of view, though I stand for #TeamNigeria for the whole Nigerian vs Ghanaian Jollof thing its still quite overrated. If we were hyping Logic's album or "The Almighty Plantain" on the other hand it would have been a different story entirely, both of two of us would have died on the line. So I want to know if my opinion is spot on or im just misinformed and completely clueless, so i wont mind knowing your opinions and receiving wise words of advice in the comment section.

Your Problems Are Valid

The fact is no matter who you are, where you're from and how much money you have you will have problems. There is no one living on planet Earth that has no problems and said problems vary in magnitude and importance. The truth is no matter how crazy your problems might seem to you, there are people out there that have it much worse, but does that make your problems any less real? No. Whenever i had an issue with something growing up, say i stopped liking my old shoes my and wanted new ones, i was usually reminded of how there are others out there without shoes whenever i tried to voice my complaints. Over the years I've had similar experiences when i complained about something in my life and i'm reminded that i have it much better than some people and i should be appreciative of what I've got but seriously does my situation have to be the absolute worst to be considered a valid problem? Sure i'm happy i don't have it has bad as a lot of people but a lot of people also have much easier lives than i do so why do i have to look at it just from one perspective.

Random Features I Like In Girls.

I've been sitting on this for a very long time but I guess it's better late than never right?
I would like to start by saying I don't have a type (*in Rae summons voice*) per say at least,   I think I don't. But there are just some things you see in a person the opposite sex to be specific and you're immediately attracted to the person I mean except the obvious. It's not necessarily something that is so big and it could range between body parts and and physical materials/accessories.
So without much ado I would list and briefly talk about some of the things I find attractive in a lady.

Consequences of Obama's Kenya Visit

I know from the title you must have been expecting some thought provoking article filled with you know valid points either in support or opposing Obama's visit to his homeland.
I'm guessing you would have enjoyed a Patrick Obahiagbon type speech filled with byzantine vocabulary.

Well this is not one of those articles, i'm just going to be sharing another video my uncle sent me.
You know with the whole absurd and kinda funny pastor videos going around, i'm not really sure if this is a church but the guy surely had his own revelation on this one and im sure it was inspired by Obama's visit  to "the mother land." I might actually be wrong, but I hope you enjoy the video.

Just For Laughs: The Plane Ride.

A few days ago my uncle sent me a message on whats-app accompanied by a video. To be truthful i was expecting a motivational video or something about Jesus Christ.(Not like anything is wrong with that or anything but you get the point)

Well it was something entirely different it was a comedy video by Kevin.J, until I saw this video I had never heard about him. All I can say is the guy is just hilarious. I'm not going to talk about the video i'm just going t let you see. In case you've seen it before forgive my staleness.

How To Be Successful Musically Like Pitbull

Well I talked about this and had a good laugh with my friends about how to do a song or become like Pitbull a while ago (by the way they started it, I actually kinda like Pitbull he has a couple of throwback and even new bangers). Then recently I saw this picture so knew I just had to do this post. Initially, I considered a painstaking explanation of how to do this but you're smart so I would just give you list, a step by step method of how you too can successfully become Pitbull. ( As a professional that I am I know my job, I've done my homework, you can ask them In my other former place they will tell you and if you properly analyze this list you will know that its true.)

Step 1: Scrape your hair

Step 2: get big and and dark shades. You could also get a suit.

Step 3: feature someone and shout their name in the song

Gamer god

Daniel opened the door to his room for the first time in five months, just looking inside made him realise just how much he had missed it, his thoughtful sister had cleaned it up for him before he arrived, just one of the may reasons he loved her. After taking a shower and changing his clothes he turned on his TV and inserted cords for his Playstation 4 console, this he had missed the most. Daniel loved gaming and as far as he knew he was the best at almost every game he played, he reached into his backpack to pull out his latest trophy from his gaming wars, a Grand Theft Auto Crazy Special Edition CD and just below the GTA letters there was a symbol of a jester with a smiley face, he had never seen or heard of one before he won it two months earlier and couldn't find anything about it online when he searched and that just feed his anxiety meter, all those weeks of waiting it was finally time to enjoy this extremely rare video game.

Three hours of intense gameplay later Daniel was disappointed, the game was nothing like the Grand Theft Auto he was used to, he could control the characters the same way and move do close to anything with em just like GTA but once he finished the mission assigned to that character the game sets up a completely different location in a different city with a different character who had just one mission, and worst of all the game seemed to be set in Nigeria. There were no dots to connect and everything kept changing, it was fun at first when he thought there was a general theme to it but eventually he figured that wasn't the case so he stopped the game and started playing FIFA.

The Critic's Corner: Fast And Furious 7

A while ago i went to see the fast and furious 7 in the cinema and i have to say i got uch more than i initially anticipated. I have seen all the prequels so i expected some unrealistic, non-sensical stunts that would be painful to watch but my oh my did i underestimate the producers of the franchise, they went overboard on this movie, like the whole movie was a 2-hour insult to the intelligence of all the movie viewers. The director basically gave physics the middle finger and went on to set the movie in a probable dream world like inception (only way the stunts make sense).
Stuff "badass" Dominic Toretto and his fam did to defy all things sane:

Church Battles II

This is a follow up post to Church Battles . There is something that happens to a number of people in church and some of us just can't escape it. I'm talking about sleeping(aka Napping aka crashing aka slumber aka dosing aka Aka..) It happens for so many different and completely unrelated reasons but a lot of people cannot deny that have had pressing urges to sleep and more times than not they find themselves falling asleep.

In a school like mine its something that you just can't escape, You spend a considerable amount of time in church, and after a busy night you find yourself in one boring service you just can't escape it you will sleep.  Some come to church thinking "Yes im ready for it, The word is coming my way to change my life and ..." then after everything the pastor comes to preach and he is more boring than the wait period for MTN Self help center to reply (God forgive me *Does sign of the crucifix*)  and the sermon lasts as long as the winter we have been waiting for in Game of Thrones ( I mean really is winter really still coming till now?) because he possesses awesome time bending powers and before you know it everything fades to black and you're asleep.

Watching the weak but diligent ones fight sleep has always entertained me, the way they start to bop their heads like their jamming up Sam Smith has always been hilarious. But there are some people whose calling is to sleep in church, and immediately after the service they would be wide awake, asin they won't even flinch. What kills me the most about the whole sleeping thing is the positions the people employ while sleeping.

I think the best way to escape this is too just have a good nights rest before church and then just write some thing during the service.

Steps to Completing A Project

This is a follow-up to the previous post How To Do A Project, all we want to show you now are the steps required to successfully execute a project. Now these are well thought out and reasonable steps that have been brought up as a result of deep thinking and a lot of research by our able team. The information below is useful and could save you from getting stranded. We have done our homework and we have broken it down based on the different types of people that embark on projects. Please enjoy.




Gingered Guy

·         Step 1: Find an unreasonably hard project to do just because you feel like… maybe a complete robot with an exoskeleton made of diamond that has A.I, powered by the heart of a dragon.

·         Step 2: Convince your supervisor you can do it, because for some strange reason, you can do anything (only in your mind).

·         Step 3: Proceed to obtaining all the items required, mine the diamond, kill a dragon and get its heart, develop a whole new mini-computer capable of learning anything a human can.

·         Step 4: At this point you are probably exhausted and have realized you were stupid for choosing this difficult project especially when you see your other mates doing very chilled projects, but you press on and believe in yourself and decide to put all the pieces together.

·         Step 5: After several attempts at getting your project to work, you discover that there is some theory or rule governing some component you’re using that makes it impossible for you to use it in the way you want to and thus rendering your entire project… futile.

·         Here, you have a choice of changing the project, committing suicide or trying again but knowing you, you’re just too gingered to give up so you try again (ha, idiot).

·         You try again and eventually end up with a robot arm made of brass controlled by a microcontroller, powered by a 9v battery and you can only make it turn left up to 60 degrees (meehh, close enough, right?)

·         You eventually get your A but will always ask yourself, was it really worth all that stress?

The Feeling Ill Starter Pack

Uhm the last couple of days i wasnt really feeling good thats what inspired me to write this
post. A lot of people claim they are sick but really they arent, like that guy conviniently
develops glycoma its a lie he just wants weed. But really there are some things you would
require when youre not really feeling good and im going to breifly talk about them.

1 A Blanket

A blanket, wrapper or duvet is very essential in times like this. Even if you dont have a bed
you need a blanket if you have a cold, malaria a broken arm you just need a blanket.

2 Juice

Its an unwritten rule, juice is the cure to all sicknesses.
You have to get juice also because you probably wont be able to eat and it wil taste even sweeter.

3 A Laptop

You need a laptop or mobile device to get online, communicate and do stuff. Mostly stuff.

4 Tissues

People under estimate the value of tissues but tissues are so important you dont know when
you would actually need it, you could have a wound, a running nose or a fever.
Most importantly if you meet this new chick your vibing with and you need a place to put
down her number or something.
(Uhn! this actually happens more frequntly than you actually think.) #TrueStory

Things you actually don't need

Drugs: It probably wont do much or would make weaker before any signs of improvement.
Just avoid them.

Food: Its possibly just going to make you throw up, tired, heavy and make you sleepy.

Peoples Advice: People just give random advice with intentions of helping you get better.
but must of it is just bull and would not help you in anyway.

How To Do A Project

This week I just completed my requirements for my final school project and there were a lot of interesting  experiences during the period of the project. If I had to go back and do it all over again there are a number of things that I would probably do differently. I guess that's why I was really inspired to write this post on how to execute a project.

Option 1
This method involves actually taking the project seriously. With this option you do all the required research, follow up with your supervisor then you give him feedback of the work you've actually done. In my department your  project isn't just research based so you have to implement the system you research about and since this is the  option we have decide to go with you have to develop the system in you project. In summary with this option you would have to stress yourself till points where you just pass out.

Xenophobia- The South African Incident

Yesterday after a very hectic day i got wind of what has been happening in South Africa that started a little under a week ago . For those of you who haven't heard the Zulu boys and other members of the South African community (mostly gangs) decided all the misfortunes that have befallen themselves and their brothers is solely the fault of immigrants, specifically African immigrants who came from other countries on the same continent. They believe these immigrants have taken things that belong to them like jobs, money and their livelihood in general so they decided to steal from, injure and kill foreigners in Durban and parts of KwaZulu-Natal (spelling might be wrong).

Wars have been started for less.

I do not understand this at all. Why would they blame the poor state of their lives on others who probably had to fight tooth and nail to thrive in a foreign community. We are talking about fellow Africans here, people of the exact same color, what advantage would they have over them in their own land? Its not like the education in other parts of Africa is better than theirs in South Africa so why would they be preferred over them. These acts are terrible and are those of weak minded, lazy individuals who can do nothing for themselves and as a result look for who to blame for their sorry state.

Church Battles

Okay, so this post is inspired by another post I saw earlier where this babe was judging us guys for wearing fitting suits to church, wearing glasses and basically doing anything except breathing in church as she finds it offensive as it’s apparently hard to concentrate because of the “lustful thoughts” that drift into her mind. The link here

Well I got one message for her and all other girls who are having this challenge… ladies, you have no idea!

Many of us good Christian men wake up on Sunday mornings and thank God for a new day and for another chance to experience corporate fellowship with their fellow good Christians. We then get prepared to go to church while singing praises and we are so elated because we are about to go into the house of God.

We get to the church and while praise and worship is ongoing, suddenly, something strange happens as our eyes drift from the pastor to the young female entering the church in heels and a dress that leaves little to the imagination, but apparently, since it’s long enough to cover her knees, it’s supposedly decent enough, we didn't realize we had stopped singing, whether it’s because we’re speechless or because we forgot the words to the song, we are still unsure, scientists are still doing their research.

Random Stuff I've Been Anticipating

Hi everyone, hope you enjoyed the Easter holidays? I didn't but i'm moving on from that.
During the course of the year a lot of things have either just caught my eye (as the vanity slave that I am) ,have just piqued my interest while I was doing research (as a professional I've done my homework ) or just when I was dilly dallying *In Frank Dunga's voice*, a sort of wishlist if you will.

So i'm just going to list the ones I can remember at the moment and briefly talk about them.  

Are you ready?

The Prenup Argument

Some mates and i were having an argument a while back about prenups, the likelihood for a rich individual to ask his/her significant other to sign it and the likelihood for that partner to sign or refuse to sign it. Explaining it the way we talked about it would be boring so this is a less boring (still boring tho) illustration of a scenario i brought up that started the conversation.

 Chidi is was your average everyday hustler, he grew up with his average parents, attended average schools and generally had an average life, well that is until he hit it big in the cement business and became a billionaire. Chidi used to have a tough time pulling chicks and the few girl that he got back then eventually left him for someone they felt was better than he was but of course that changed when my nigga got rich, now females are at his beck and call, and after having fun for a while he met Mofopefoluwa. Mofopefoluwa's background is quite similar to Chidi's but unlike Chidi she is yet to blow. They fall in love and decided to walk down the aisle, before the marriage though Chidi decides he must have Mofopefoluwa sign a prenup to prove she's not with him for the money.

I don't know why i'm asking when you guys never drop comments but to fulfill all righteousness:

Ladies, would you sign the prenup if you were in Mofopefoluwa's shoes?

And guys would you ask Mofopefoluwa to sign a prenup if you were Chidi?

The Whale And The Power Puff Puff Boys

As my custom is i have carried last again in the getting gist department and if you are just seeing the pic above then you are my course-mate. Yesterday twitter was abuzz with a lot of pictures and captions making fun of three fashionista(s) in my uni just like the above picture and by God were they funny. Like the speed at which some people come up with this stuff is just astonishing, if we were all as good and serious with our studies as we are with social media the average GPA would be able to send text message, but that's a message for another day.

For real though i don't know why people have an issue with their outfits, I know i cannot wear any of the outfits but they look dapper in my opinion, granted they look really flashy but they wore it cuz they think its fashionable and they love fashion. If foreigners were the ones in the suits you would see how the same girls laughing at these guys would be fawning over them. And i'm sure the same people that hailed them on the faithful Sunday would be laughing now o, this life.

Significance

 Happy new year people, hope you had a good 2014 and wishing you a great 2015. If you haven't already go ahead and read the short article on the picture above. Its hilarious right, a family celebrating a child who placed third to the last in her examinations, just imagine you came home with a result like that back in the day, how would your parents have reacted to it? I remember the times i didn't place in the first three positions in class in primary school i would get a lecture about how i needed to do better, even when i did but didn't place first i would still be reminded that the person or people who beat me did not have two heads, but here we have a family celebrating a failure so to speak. At first i was confused as to why they would celebrate such a thing but then i imagined the scenario playing out in my head, here we have parents who watch their kid fail completely every time she writes an exam, always placed dead last and having to look at the sadness and tears in her eyes every single time, no parent can just keep punishing such a child who makes obvious efforts to improve but keeps failing. The teachers and students at her school probably already told her how much of a failure she is why would her parents make her feel worse than she already did. So when they saw the joy in the little girl's face when she didn't place last as usual they could not help but be happy, for the first time their little girl felt she was better than what society labeled her to be. To everyone else that was an insignificant improvement but no to the little girl and the joy she felt must have moved her parents, and that makes perfect sense to me.

The lesson here is no matter how insignificant something might seem to you, it might mean something to someone else don't look down on something just cuz it holds not importance to you.