My 2013 Highlights

This is the list of notable moments in my life and also some interesting things that happened this year in no particular order.

• I started blogging- Found a new way to kill boredom and express my thoughts, though i've been slacking for a while.
• Funny music trends- Gangnam style getting almost 2 billion views and What does the fox say being the weirdest, i thought it'd end up like Black friday but people actually loved it.
• I found Ryan Higa- I think this YouTuber is just too creative, he's so funny and makes me love YouTube more.
• The Man Of Steel came out- Though the movie wasnt good in my opinion i'm a great fan of Supes so it made the list.
•  I had my first relationship and my first breakup- All within the space of 4 months, well at least its something.
• Watched Now You See Me- Its my favorite movie of the year, my second best magical movie after The Sorcerer's Apprentice. 
• Found the First Strand of hair on my chin- HA! Take that friends who said it would take 3 more years, my magnificent beard is coming soon. Especially Loto, HAHA to you.
•  Miley Cryus went loco- Dont know what caused it but Miley lost all sense of decency and just went crazy, or maybe shes just being the true her, either way its not fun to watch but am i the only one that noticed that her craziness came with better music?
•  OBJ wrote a letter to GEJ and it caused a lot of controversy, read my take HERE
• The Nigerian soccer team won the African Cup Of Nations.
• The Death Of The Greatest African Legend to date Nelson Mandela.
• I fasted for the first time.

Well those are some of the year's highlights, if you have others add them in the comment section even personal highlights.
2013 is (soon to be was) a good year.

The Pot And The Kettle

Former president of Nigeria Chief Olusegun Obasanjo recently sent an 18 page letter to the current president Dr Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, the letter was expressly aimed at accusing Goodluck of encouraging corruption and of very poor governance. The letter also accused Goodluck of not keeping his promise not to run for a second term in office as campaign ads for 'Goodluck 2015' are already set in motion. OBJ stated that GEJ's methods are heavily flawed and he is running this country into the ground (a task OBJ failed to accomplish while in office).

By now the letter has begun to make its impact as politicians have begun to pick sides and everyone picking whichever reason best suits him to claim is the reason as to why OBJ wrote said letter and I'm  not saying I know y why he wrote it (I'm not psychic)  any of the two group may be right, the OBJ support group that claim he wrote it to correct his poor judgement of backing GEJ for office and that he that he wants to caution GEJ to mend his ways before it's too late, or the GEJ support group who claim GEJ refused to be influenced by OBJ causing OBJ to write the letter in complete bad faith and thereafter leaking it to the media.

REST UP NELSON, A TRUE LEGEND

Nelson Mandela is dead. Yes its no longer news i know, but as the very ill informed individual that i sometimes am i just found out. I don't exactly know his life story and all but i know he was a great man, he stood for democracy and equal rights for members of all races, and he went to jail for 27 years for standing up for what he believed in, and after he finally came out he held no malice for the people who put him in jail. Like seriously? If i was in his shoes i would do everything within my power to crush them, taking 27 years of a person's life unjustly is no little thing, 27 years is basically 27 freaking years, i have about 9 years to become 27 so basically its like spending my entire life plus 9 freaking years in jail, Mandela definitely is a legend at forgiveness. How many people can do that, suffer such hardship for what you believe in, many people would give up after getting threatened with such, i know i won't want to be imprisoned for 1 week let alone 27 years, and as an innocent man at that. Guess if everyone could do it he wouldn't be considered great would he. Well i have to work on my determination, being great requires more than just standing up for what you believe in when its safe and involves no risk, true greatness requires determination to stand up for what you believe regardless of the consequences.

REST IN PEACE MADIBA, YOU MAY BE GONE BUT YOUR NAME IS ETCHED IN DIAMOND.

R.I.P Paul Walker

Paul Walker is dead. Just got the news this morning and I'm as shocked as the next guy, the guy was just 40 years old. Its a very tragic story. He was in a car accident, the Porsche he was in exploded on impact upon running into a tree, supposedly his friend was driving as they were leaving a charity event he organized, maybe if he had been the on driving....but its too late for that now. The Fast and Furious franchise won't be the same again, they just lost a huge asset.

P.S- I believe he was a better racer than Vin Diesel, Vin just has a bigger fan base so he had to win. And i would have put in a joke about Statham but it seemed inappropriate. 

Is Random Really Random?

My friends and I were talking a while back and we were trying to randomly say words has fast as we could, and don't gimme that face i didn't come up with it and we were bored anyways, after a while we began talking about how the words weren't really random since something would trigger the word in your brain, like a picture, a movie, a recent memory basically its not totally random since you thought of it as a result of something else.

After my friends left this got me thinking, if randomness means having no pattern then nothing in this world is really random, everything happens as a result of something else and after a series of events patterns form so in truth nothing is random. If you type 20 letters without thinking you unknowingly formed a pattern for picking the letters no matter how you try not to.

So in the end i guess the thoughts i post here are not random after all but I'll still keep the name though.

Lessons Learnt From A Suicide Story

I read on Linda Ikeji's Blog that a 14 year old British girl committed suicide, and why? Because she was bullied and stigmatized by her peers, she couldn’t even use the web as a safe haven because they bullied her online also. They told her she was ugly weird and unwanted by everyone, she was ridiculed at every attempt she made at being a part of a group or making new friends. Her mom always did the best she could to help her get above it all and have a positive mind-set but obviously her words became insufficient for the suffering girl, she felt she had no friend in the world and that she was unwanted everywhere, “what’s the point of living in a world where no one wants you” she probably thought. She even wrote a dying poem.

The Swear Jar

A while ago my roommate decided he wanted to stop calling people assholes so he came up with a control measure, anytime i and our other roommate hear him say asshole he would owe us 100 Naira. I was so happy to hear it since he calls me asshole a lot i thought i would probably squeeze a few meals  from him before he could restrain himself but surprisingly i didn't even catch him once (our other roommate caught him twice though). Later my other roommate decided to use the same measure to curb his own habit of bringing out sexual meanings from normal statements, I've caught him twice already.

My Awesome Mystery Girl

 Why me? Why now?? Why her???
A week and a day ago i met the most awesome girl ever when i decided to attend a program i knew would be boring and i ended up randomly making my way to the seat right next to hers then we got to talking. She was amazing, i have never hit it off with anyone that well, that fast in my life, as we kept talking she kept surprising me with with her uniqueness and she had the ability to do one thing that got me even more attracted to her. She could make me laugh. Not a lot of girls can make me laugh, i often fake it just not to disappoint them but she was almost doing a better job of making me laugh than i was at making her. Being with her was crazy fun and she saved me from the program cuz as i later found out a friend of mine almost considered shooting himself to escape the boredom. As we kept talking i realised she knows quite a number of people, at least a lot more than i do and it dawned to me, there's no way under heaven a girl this awesome would be single or at least she would have quite a lot of guys going after her and though i don't mind competition i hate joining queues (-__-) since the other guys might have made way more progress than I.

Weird Phobias

A while ago some friends were bored and decided to google phobias and we saw a lot of weird stuff. People are sacred of some very stupid stuff, i picked out some of the weird ones. To see the full phobia list click Phobia List

Ablutophobia- Fear of washing or bathing.[Why some people sink]
Agyrophobia- Fear of streets or crossing the street.[people who never leave home]
Alektorophobia- Fear of chickens. [How can you eat such a scary beast]
Amathophobia- Fear of dust.
Amaxophobia- Fear of riding in a car.[I shall walk because cars are evil and scary]
Ambulophobia- Fear of walking.[I shall drive even indoors]
Amychophobia- Fear of scratches or being scratched.[True Nigerians cant have this]
Anablephobia- Fear of looking up.[Just plain weird]
Ancraophobia- Fear of wind. (Anemophobia)
Androphobia- Fear of men.[So i scare some people just cuz of my gender, sexist bastards ]
Anglophobia- Fear of England or English culture, etc.[They are evil they colonized us]
Anuptaphobia- Fear of staying single.[I know some people who have this]
Aphenphosmphobia- Fear of being touched. (Haphephobia)[I have this when i'm in a packed bus or cab]

The Bro Code

Everyone knows this

Everyone knows what the bro code is, if you don't its either you used to live on Mars or you live in the desert and just discovered entertainment, but nonetheless you're a reader and i have to explain. The bro code is a set of rules (more like guidelines) that has governed the way guys act with their bros for ages (it dates back to the cavemen). The bro code should never be broken, its like a pact between real bros, and any bro who breaks the bro code can be forgiven until he breaks it again where after he could still be forgiven (basically bros are very forgiving).

Even the Knights lived by it

Sneaky Exams

Exams have a reputation for being sneaky, showing up sooner than you expect and this semester has to be the worst of all. This week happened to be our mid semester test week, and as the name implies wouldn't it make sense to have the test in the middle of the semester? But guess what in three weeks exams begins, i still have a tough time believing it but yes in three short weeks after what was supposed to be the middle of the semester we will begin our exams. This became more evident with the release of our exam timetable, and when i just decided to get started with the girls too.

It seems i need to buckle up for the exams, its not like my tests were awesome, i'm just trusting God i didn't do as well as i would have liked, in both coding courses i'm sure i invented new ways for writing codes, i'm sure the lecturer would understand and award me points for innovation, I hope. Anyways its time to become ultra serious, i guess the fact that we read for our tests so close to the exams makes it easier to read. 

Letter To My Younger Self

I saw on a blog that writing a letter to your younger self could help you in some way I'm yet to figure out, so here i am with my letter.

                                                                                                     My room,

                                                                                                     My school,

                                                                                                     Nigeria.

                                                                                                     Sometime in October 2013.

Hey Mini Me,

           Dude what's up, how are things, hope all is good, I'm not really sure how far back I'm writing so if you get this and you're not yet in secondary school just try to convince our parents to move you guys away from that Ekiti place to Lagos, OK maybe not Lagos, too much traffic, i hate traffic, Abuja or even Ibadan would be fine as long as i, i mean you leave before the whole Yoruba accent issue begins. Now please wait until you are in secondary school to read the rest or if you can't wait mail it to your future self in secondary school.

  

            Mini me the future for you involves a lot of hardships, if you can prevent yourself from changing school three different times, just stick with one and if you could make that one a rich kid school, scratch that the tough days make good stories so don't go to a rich kid school, and i met a lot of cool peeps in those schools so just skip one school probably the second school i suffered a lot there.

            Mini me if you up liking this short Igbo girl who is in JSS3 when you're in SS1 don't be all shy just walk up and talk to her and if you end up doing the same thing i did and chickening out at every chance you get which would be a lot! just move on to another girl and don't get hung up on her for years only to find out she doesn't like you for no sensible reason. And ease up on the good guy stuff, being Mr goody goody (and I'm not talking about the goody goody chocolate we both love) didn't help much.

           And lastly don't let our parents trick you into going to Covenant, its gonna suck for the most part and you would soooo not like it here, but you would also meet great people here, and if you end up coming anyways don't be like me and lose yourself in your laptop for two years before realising there are other things like socializing, well that all you can actually do for fun in this university. And make sure you take your spiritual life more seriously, it gets harder to do later.

           Well in all things mini me trust God and always be awesome, not that i have to tell you right.

                                                                                                             

                                                                                                         Your Future Self in Uni,

                                                                                                                    

                                                                                                          Mega Kayode.

Stale Gist: Olympus Has Fallen vs White House Down

I know this is very old news but since i just watched White House Down i couldn't help myself, a while back peeps kept arguing about which of the two White house takeover summer movies was better, i couldn't join the argument because at the time i had not seen White House Down (WHD) but now i have and i have to say i prefer it by a mile to Olympus Has Fallen (OHF). Guys in favor of OHF kept saying stuff like "Anyone who prefers WHD doesn't have a brain in their head" and "Anyone who prefers WHD doesn't deserve to talk to me cuz they lack sense" but in my opinion anyone who prefers OHF probably got their brain replaced with horse shit and probably have their eyes stationed in their ass because i don't see how OHF was in anyway better than WHD, sure the infiltration in WHD was too easy but it kills OHF in every other aspect of movie making known to man. The only excuse for preferring OHF is that you mistakenly switched the names and  you thought WHD was OHF, other than that you need to find a way to get your eyes out of your ass.

Ok on a serious note i was just kidding about the horse shit and eyes in ass stuff, both movies were good but in my opinion WHD was more interesting.

Kris And Bruce Split Up :The Truth Or Just For Publicity

The news now is that Kris and her husband Bruce have split up but it seems they're not getting a divorce. I can't say i didn't see this coming, though I'm not a fan of the Kardashians I've seen a few of their episodes on E! and its obvious that Kris assumed the role of the 'man' in their relationship, she's the one who makes the rules and Bruce just supports her and if he's not happy with her (and that happened a lot) he'll act like a kid and go to his room angry, i said that cuz i watched an episode when he got mad at her and the next thing  he did was go into the garage with a pillow and an air mattress and yes he slept there.

Kris is a fame hugger, she  loves the spotlight a little too much, she'll do anything to remain in the news and I'm guessing that got to Bruce (that or this could all be a huge publicity stunt wouldn't be the first time). Their family has been riddled with a lot of problems anyways from Kim's issues with Ray Jay and then moving on to various (A LOT) of guys before getting Kanye(he's a perfect Kardashian seeing how his name starts with a K and how he has issues and all) who named their baby North West(what a stupid name, i pity the baby), and then Kourtney(I like her more than the other two) and her issues with Scott and the whole giving birth outside wedlock thing, and then Khloe and her issues with her husband Lamar (he probably started using drugs cuz of the Kardashian spirit influencing him). The only ones i pity are Kendall and Kylie, why'd they have to be raised around the others.

The Kardashian family has been really blessed by Loki the god of mischief, and his best agent is Kris, i don't know why but i believe all their issues originate from her somehow. They all need to go and get a psychic to get the spirit out of their household or they can try the Nigerian method and sacrifice 2 goats, alligator skin, 4 baboon balls, 2 virgin spiders and 2 kegs of palm wine(the gods have to drink after working) to Ifa and Sango (just in case one god isn't enough) and then the spirit chasing them from their village will vanish.

The Friend Zone

  

 I finally decided to join the crowd and post about the friend zone. I’ve had my fair share of experiences where someone (not necessarily myself) got abandoned in the friend zone with basically no hope of escape.

                              
                                  How To know You’re In The Friend Zone

• -          When she likes talking to you about the guys she likes.

• -          When she isn’t concerned about her appearance when she’s with you.

• -          When she tells you stuff like “Thanks hun” or “Sorry love”.

• -          When she asks about one of your friends every time she sees you but once that’s done she’s in a hurry to leave.

Killer Lines In A Boring Class

My friends and I were bored in a class today(to know how boring my classes can get click HERE) so we decided to spit some lines to pass the time. Tell me which you like best (we suck at it by the way).

Chima
-My lines are so hot they make the sun sweat.
-I'm running this track, Bolt
-I'll freeze you like Sub zero finishing
-I'm hitting the core, Intel
And his bullshit legendary line: I’m so fast, my eyeballs dodge #gbam


Chiemela
-I'm so high, i'm getting weed from birds.
-My lines are strong cause I give punchlines without gloves.
-My flow so sick it will leave you dead in the living room.
-My flow so sick its killing me softly
-I got many lines in my head, sporting waves

Me
-This guy is so boring, call him mole rat
-My lines so strong, call it morning wood
-I'm so high aliens look up to me.
-I flow so fast and so sick its like i was bitten by a mosquito riding a Bugatti.

Yep we were on that 2 Chainz shit today, the class was just that boring.

My First Attempt: JIGSAW

   Some days ago I witnessed something that was on its way to being a fight but ended up falling short. One guy with a death wish was yelling at another guy who is much bigger than him. As I walked away from the place which was in front of the cafeteria to my hall an entire movie sprung forth in my mind, I told a friend said story and he told me to post it so here it is, and I don’t usually write stories so try to cut me some slack-

   

   As Femi walked down the stairs which led out of the cafeteria with his dinner in hand he noticed something, a fight was brewing in front of him. The argument he witnessed upon going into the cafeteria was about to escalate into a fight. He hated fights, no one ever really wins in the end. One random guy he didn’t know was shouting at Jimmy, he thought to himself “This guy must have a death wish”, Jimmy the tallest fat guy in school and he had a reputation for being a bully, the guy yelling at him on the other hand would need a stool to look him straight in the eyes, but even against such odds he wasn’t backing down, far from it he was the one making the threats. Soon enough Jimmy broke through from the guys who were holding him back and rushed towards the other guy. The first hit came from the other guy who punched Jimmy in the stomach, it was ineffective probably because he was hitting a sea of fat, Jimmy hammered down on the guy as if he didn’t just get hit, first with his hand with connected with the top of the guy’s head, then he rained down on him punch after punch until the guy lost his footing and fell to the ground.

  

Crazy Church Names

Some years ago i came across a list of funny church names and quite frankly i think the founders said to themselves "Lets just get members in and start collecting tithes and offering". They probably just thought for a second and put the first thing that came up as their church's name. Some are just plain ridiculous, here's the list of some i can remember and some others i heard recently and my comments:


Run for your life ministries (i wonder how they would explain that)

Jesus Of God Mission, Imo State. (Noooo, na  Jesus of Ebuka)

Guided Missiles Church (They have the missile testing fields and everything)

Jehova Sharp Sharp, Festac

Satan in Trouble Ministry

FIST OF FURY, NTA road, Port Harcourt.  (Founded by Bruce Lee's Nigerian cousin)

Guys Love Girls In Yoga Pants

  In my school we have this compulsory fitness course which requires us to jog once every semester, and we just did that on Friday. One detail every guy made sure to take note of this time was that a lot of girls were wearing yoga pants. I didn't really notice at first when we were still on the lines preparing for the exercise, but when we started to jog, everywhere i turned there was a girl in yoga pants and it was awesome, just jogging behind a girl in yoga pants can help you shed your fatigue as you gaze at the awesome sight before you. Some guys decided to take fixed positions behind some girls and i later realised that a friend of mine that was jogging with me also dropped back for this same reason. This trend of yoga pants will motivate guys to come for the jogging exercise most people are not so fond of, and when jogging, it can help guys jog faster for example when you realise you're lagging behind you could site a nice shape in yoga pants far ahead and make that your checkpoint and jog up to her, after reaching the checkpoint check ahead for another and then make her the next checkpoint, continue until the finish. If only we had a yoga center or whatever, i would go there for sightseeing.

The Girl In The Red Dress

 Over time i noticed that in movies the hottest girl at a party (the ones where guys wear tuxedos and such) is usually the one wearing a red dress, and a sudden wind blows at her hair when she walks in like she paid a guy to aim a fan at her at that exact moment, and for some reason everyone leaves whatever they were doing and stare at her entry, almost as if there a drum roll playing from her direction at the moment she enters. And usually that's the girl the main character has a crush on but is too shy to talk to.

   I occasionally have such moments with girls i have a crush on, time seems to slow down and things start going in slow motion, basically the whole nine yards.......na just kidding i just end up staring at the girl and i stop when i think I'm being too creepy. Guys can crush on multiple girls at once or maybe its just me, and I'm blank on ideas on how to meet them. One of this days I'll just walk up to one of them and say the first thing that comes to mind what's the worst that could happen, as long as i don't say exactly what I'm thinking things should be fine. My current 'girl in the red dress' is in my department and i say to my self "Why shall i shy?"

INSPIRED BY JOSEPH THE KPAMSTER

Behind A Mask

I sometimes wonder how ladies looked back in the day, before the invention of makeup. Back then they would have actually had to show their natural faces in public, and guys wouldn't need to see them first thing in the morning to know how they really look. Back then the truth couldn't be hidden(about faces that is), but nowadays, we have a lot of fake beauty, some girls even put on makeup when they supposedly came to play sports, they usually end up ditching the sport and  chatting away with any guy interested in talking to them. Ladies like to hide their faces behind a thick layer of makeup, and sometimes you can misjudge their beauty based on their makeup, the makeup is equal to the beauty in some cases. Don't get me wrong i like a girl who can use her makeup well, especially when it just improves on the natural beauty that's already there, what i have an issue with is a girl letting the makeup become her face, when she turns her face to a canvas and slaps makeup all over it, its makeup not face paint. Makeup generally helps improve on beauty, but when used poorly it even makes matters worse.

Anime Talk: Shingeki no Kyojin

  For a while now I've been searching for a new anime that'll interest me. After finishing Sword Art Online, Code Geass(madly awesome), Nurarihyon no Mago and still keeping up with Naruto and One piece (I've been out of the loop for a while though) i needed a new anime that would excite me. After going through many boring animes i stumbled upon Shingeki no kyojin, i actually started with the manga before my friends started downloading the anime.

  Since Naruto and One piece have been dragging for a while its the most interesting anime for now, the story and the characters are cool. I like the concept and the fact that you don't know who is going to die next makes it even more interesting, but the concept would also make it difficult to make the story long since it won't allow for too much improvement on their powers, and they make some of the soldiers look stupid as they practically run straight into the titan's mouths and the gap in skill between the elite soldiers and the normal soldiers is too much considering they're all normal human beings (excluding the titan guys), but all in all, its cool and interesting and i want to see just how far it can go.

Majorly Awkward Moments

 Every guy has had all or at least most of this moments. Those moments

1.  When someone waves and you think he was waving at you and you wave back, but it actually turns out he was waving at someone behind you.

2.  When you tell a joke that you think is sooo funny that you 're laughing while telling it, but when you're done no one laughs.

3.  When you're walking alone and a group of people(majorly girls) walking behind you start laughing.

4.  When you walk right by someone you used to talk to but don't anymore.

It's Miley, Again!

 When i heard about what Miley did at the VMAs the first thing that came to mind was, either she wants more attention than she already has, or she wants people to stop seeing her as the Hannah Montana girl, it's probably the latter judging from her music videos. When i saw her last music video i didn't even bother to listen to the song i just hated it immediately, and the whole twerking issue was way over exaggerated, probably because it was Miley who did it. I'm not really sure it should be called twerking since it looked stupid, at least to me, and its not like she has the ass to twerk with anyways.

   Basically she's been on a quest to change her image like her pal Justin Bieber, and now she feels she has to get naked in her music videos to do that, and who would want to see her naked anyways its not like she has anything to flaunt.

The photos are from her video

Random Pic

A friend of mine told me i look weird in this picture and that the glasses don't suit me, well that's not what i see, i see myself in this pic as the iceman in a mafia movie (a gun would be somewhere there). I'll probably stay stuff like "Today's your lucky day, you're going to heaven" and "Sing your last praise" (because 'say your last prayer' is too mainstream) when i'm on the job. 

Beyond 'reasonable' doubt

WRITTEN BY UCHEYA IMMANUEL

  So it seems that nowadays people don't care for ideals as they ought to but rather lean upon the conventions stipulated by society when doing things. At random, comparing the two, it would appear that following convention is "safer" but then again, wouldn't you rather take calm of conscience over self preservation? (don't answer that). But really though come to think of it, why would someone indulge in something he/she knows makes no sense to said person just because over time it has been done by many and subtly become accepted in certain circles? maybe to "blend in"? Thing is you WILL blend in, with that circle of individuals that find it ok but in actuality you stand out where normal and mentally sound people are, as a person whose folly is distinguished. Enough with the overly articulate grammar, let's get down to the truth, why would a "plus sized" babe with excessive adipose tissue wear clothes that were obviously intended for the petite, all to try and look hot because the petite look hot in such kinds of clothes? then she ends up looking like a ripped stuffed animal that was sewn back but with not enough thread to hold all the stuffing in place, and subsequently she claims to have had her feelings hurt when peeps crossed to the other side of the road she was walking along and giggled as she passed by. why? why do that to yourself? did she think the disgust induced by such buffoonery would be converted into joy and gladness? i think not. Not to be overly lengthy, all i actually want to pass across is......be yourself! but be reasonable while at it.

My Yoruba Accent

   I wrote that i would write about the accent i used to have HERE and here it is. Growing up i got used to people assuming different things about me just from my appearance. The usual assumption being that I'm a classy, ajebutter kid, that jets out of the country on a regular and eats fancy stuff like pies, fruit cakes and the rest, but as a kid who grew up in Ekiti (not exactly a very developed state even by my standards) almost all their assumptions were wrong. As a kid who grew up in Ekiti, I barely even visited Lagos or any other state for that matter, not to talk of going out of the country. And i only saw stuff like pizza, pie, fruit cakes and the likes on TV, but i have always been classy and a little ajebutterish probably due to the fact that i watched a lot of foreign TV growing up, and my parents barely let my siblings and I  play with the street kids.

   I schooled mostly in Ekiti and its environs over the years, from primary school to junior secondary school, and there i was always one of the cool, classy, ajebutter kids but on moving to a school in Ibadan for my first class in senior secondary I realized i had an accent. At the first glance everyone still assumed the regular things, but once i opened my mouth and words came out, they started to think otherwise, unknown to me over the years i had picked up a Yoruba accent, and due to the fact that i was around fellow people with accents over the years i never noticed, amongst them i sounded like the classy one.

Girl Swallows Her Phone

 What has gotten into some people's minds nowadays, i read on a blog recently that a Brazilian girl swallowed her phone to stop her boyfriend from reading her texts, after which she had to be rushed to the ICU. After i read it i was puzzled, what the hell was she thinking , what did she have on her phone that would warrant such? Maybe she was cheating with multiple partners, or what do you think would make a girl do that?

My Week Of Rotten Luck

    This past week my luck really went south. I don't know what i did, maybe i broke a mirror while walking under a ladder past a black cat, then into a room where i opened an umbrella. Basically I've been riddled with bad luck lately, first some strange bumps appeared on my face (my fresh boy no pimples is on break for now), then a friend told me to check if his trouser got ripped but i later found out my trouser was ripped at the butt area (i don't know how) and it was a very long rip and i had to walk with it for a long time (i noticed the ladies checking me out), later i lost my wallet, and i searched for it for a long time, thank God a good Samaritan found it and brought it back to me intact (didn't even take 20 naira pack money which is more tempting to take than 1000 because of the lack of change), and after all the stress on that day i wanted to get food and after waiting on a line in the cafeteria the food finish right when it was my turn as if that wasn't enough i spilled my coke for the second time(I'm a recovering coke addict and its coca-cola o ).

   I also forgot my ID card in the lab that day, and we had chapel service on the day after, and then they decided to tell people without their ID cards to wait behind on the only day ever i was without it and as if that's not enough my second black trouser also tore at the same area, well the bad luck bar should have run out by now I'm tired of the thundercloud following me. I'll go get a four leaf clover, catch a rabbit and cut its foot off, throw salt over my shoulder, and go catch a leprechaun while holding a horseshoe all to get my luck up.

Law Abiding Citizen

  Today we were informed about some new ''rules'', its not like this is the first time, heck new rules come up whenever the management feels we're getting too comfortable with the existing rules they decide to come up with new rules to make our lives more difficult. As announced, from now on we are not allowed to wear shorts for some reason only known to them which would probably make absolutely no sense, they now expect us to wear trousers to the sports complex then change to shorts to play then after we change back? Soon we'll all have to wear tuxedos to sleep.
  
    They also announced that there should be no more interaction between members of the opposite sex as from 7pm, and some classes end by 7pm some by 8, so basically as soon as its 7pm and we're walking back from lectures, girls and guys must not talk, we should probably walk on opposite sides of the road. If they didn't want members of opposite sex to interact then they shouldn't have made the school co-ed, it could have been the first only male university or only female whichever, and maybe soon we'll only be allowed to stand at a certain distance from a girl, like a general restraining order, but its not like it affects me or anything (no parols) but it still annoys me sha.

No Internet

 

     The reason why i haven't posted in a while is because i've was denied access to the internet by my school. They changed our download qouta from unlimited to 100mb per day, like seriously what am i supposed to do with 100mb i checked out photos for 2 minutes and almost 10mb was already gone, so yeah its pretty annoying but as if that wasn't enough they blocked our access to the internet for almost a week supposedly for owing megabytes of data that we used before the 100mb system became active, a lot of people were owing 50mb to 300ish mb and some others owing 400mb and above i inclusive. We all thought after our daily quota burns up to the amount we owe our access would be restored but nope turns out they just wanted to lock us out (they probably had issues but i still feel twaz intentional). The login page has been taken down for now i guess they're trying to fix the problem but anyways the lack of access was annoying.

My Next Girlfriend

     I don't have a girlfriend, I know its a shocker (considering how charming i am) but that's the truth. I know some people will have a hard time believing but yes even awesome guys like me are single at times (most of the time actually) but that's going to change, there's this girl that's been in my head a lot lately, i think i might have a crush on her.  And yes she is the most beautiful girl in Nigeria, i have a crush on Anna Banner, the winner of the latest MBGN. Immediately i saw her picture, i realized that we are destined to meet soon and she'll be my girlfriend. And yes i know you probably think I'm dreaming or something, but I'm not and as to how we'll meet, i don't know its all up to fate, and i'm sure when she sees me she'll also realize we're soul mates hehehe.
      P.S. MBGN is the Most Beautiful Girl in Nigeria beauty pageant

More pictures of her after the cut

Sent Out Of Class

   I got sent out of class today. Why you ask? For sleeping that's why. Seriously why send me out of the class just because i was sleeping, other lecturers just tell someone to wake you up or tell you to come stand with them in front, but nooo not this engineer, he bores you to death then sends you out for sleeping. I've had boring lecturers before but this guy is on a whole new level, you don't know the meaning of boredom until you sit through a two hour lecture with him. He talks the way some people whisper, like he's talking to himself, the way your voice is when you're trying to remind yourself of something you read a while ago. Even when he's given the public address system it doesn't get better, he puts it at his throat as if that's where his mouth is. He likes to take long pauses and look at his note, and when he decides to write on the board, if you're not seated in the first 4 rows, then you'll need binoculars to see his handwriting. And as if that is not enough the guy has a sleeping aura around him, its like he's endowed with the power to bore people to death, you can't just be that boring with human abilities its not possible, his own is supernatural.
    
   

The Greatest Nigerian Myth

  

       As a kid i was told many different stories of things that supposedly happened years before i was born, and at that time i believed all the stories to be true, but as i grew up i realized that most of those stories were huge lies probably fabricated by someone who wanted to amuse or scare the children around him, and those children probably spread the stories everywhere they went. And some of the stories were based on real events blown way out of proportion.
       One of the ancient folktales is that of the 'Bush Baby', I'm guessing this myth was fabricated by senior students trying to scare the younger, more innocent students. As I was told a Bush baby is a baby from the dark realms that roams the bushes at night crying and holding a mat, and anyone who can steal its mat will have to survive 7 nights of torture from the baby, and if the person is able to survive the nights of torture, his wealth will know no bounds. Back in the day that was kinda scary but as i grew up i learnt that bush baby is actually another name for one small animal like that, and its called bush baby because it makes baby like noises. Another is the bloody Mary myth. Back in secondary school I was told that if you turn off all the lights in your room leaving only a candlelight on then you hold up a mirror and say "Bloody Mary" twelve times an image of Mary will appear in the mirror crying tears of blood, as if that wasn't enough you supposedly bleed out of your eyes too and then you die. No one i know ever tried it and i was too scared to, i later found out Bloody Mary is actually a famous drink.
     

Is This Real?

Saw this picture earlier and i wonder how those eggs got in there, its probably photoshop or those 'Now You See Me' movie guys at work again

A Serious Case of Apathy

   For as long as i have known myself, I've always had a lot of different hobbies but I've always also lost interest in most of my hobbies, sometimes at a shocking rate. I could love doing something today and it'll be like i'll never want to stop, but then sometimes as short as a week later i lose interest in it completely. Sometimes i feel it happens to everyone but then i take a look at my friends and i notice that their main hobbies don't change, but i can't categorically tell you my hobbies because they always change, even my love for movies and video games has dropped over the years, and back in the day i could go 12 hours straight or even more either gaming or watching movies, but now the game or movie must be really interesting to get me interested.
        And its not restricted to just entertainment alone, back in the day i used to care about my school work and getting good grades and all but now I'm comfortable just maintaining a constant level, i probably only go for lectures because my parents paid for it and i need to listen because i hate reading, and also definitely because we need a 75% attendance to write exams.

Football Fanatics

  In Nigeria the most popular sport is football also known as soccer because its usually confused with american football though i don't know why they call it football, the sport involves the use of hands way more than it does the use of the foot and the ball looks more like an egg frankly it should be called handegg but back to the main point, people generally love football and some or should i say most of the football fans go to great lengths to show their support, you find people taking their favorite team's issues so personally most people have even adopted the style of referring to their teams as themselves for instance my favorite team is Liverpool so saying "Liverpool won the match" would translate to "I won the match" you basically get the point and when a match between two major teams is going to be played the arguments that would never be settled would begin and getting them to shut up could only be achieve at gun point some of the arguments end up resulting in brawls and all for something you won't earn a dime from no matter the outcome, don't get me wrong i'm also a fan of the sport but i'm not a fan of the endless arguments and screaming that all would be pointless in the end and i hate it when the arguments spill over to my room or at least to an hearing distance i don't mind arguments but i dislike arguments which just ends up with the involved parties in the same mind set as they began and i hate too much screaming unless i'm the one doing the screaming, and now as a new season begins i will be hearing a whole lot of screaming.

Laptop Wars

                                       

      As university students it is very necessary to have laptops and its even more necessary for students studying science related courses and ever since i started my time in Covenant university it has been a battle of who has the best laptop between my coursemates, my laptops have always been average so i'm never in the running for the ranks, over the years we've seen a wide range of laptop specs with Hp, Dell and Sony spending the most time at the top of the Laptop ladder of awesomeness. The current Laptop King in my course is Austin, a guy who had a dream to be second to none on the ranks (in my course at least), to the best of my knowledge his first laptop was even below average but in our second year he got a Sony Vaio and was crowned King for the first time he had a coronation and everything the whole nine yards and after a while Oke bought the laptop from him making him the new King, Oke later bought another laptop from Austin to claim the throne again for a short time then Austin always came with a better laptop then sold that then bought another and the cycle continues.
     

The Freshman Feeling

        As we just began a new academic year everywhere i go i see the new students or Freshers as we call them moving around and where ever they are they stick out like a sore thumb, their dressing is a major give away as they are not yet accustomed to the way we dress they look funny to us old students. And if you're a fresher and a group of people start laughing as you walk past them and they weren't laughing or giggling before, then you probably the reason for their laughter you probably won't understand why now but you would when you're in their shoes.
        About three years ago i was also a fresher and back then before i got to school boot cut was still the "in thing " or at least to me, "it was a lie o.....was a small boy like this...evribody was looking big but i knew that one day i will grow.lwkmd...was a dead guy that year tho but like d peak advert 'i was determined to never give up'.i can remember myself wearing parachute trousers and shirt thinking that i was so fly" Lol the statement in quote was written by James one of my many mischievious friends, i know i was small and and wore big clothes but come on i wasn't that bad. Back then i didn't get it all and i didn't think anything was wrong with the way i dressed but when i saw the next set of freshers i understood why we were so funny back then, in the end adapting takes time.

What Movie Characters Said These?

"Say hello to my little friend"-

"I'm king of the world!"-

"May the force be with you"-

"I'll be back"-

"I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse"-

My Take On- Man Of Steel

                                                                     

      Well basically anyone who knows anything at all about Superman would know the movie sucked and was a poor depiction of Superman, we've always known Krypton's technology to involve a lot of crystals but in this movie they changed the way their tech looks all together i'm guessing they were trying to make it look more modern futuristic but i'm not sure i prefer the change, and the story was just plain dumb at some points for example the kryptonians knew their planet was about to explode but instead of evacuating whatever number of citizens they could they decided it was best to send the criminals off the dying planet and let all their citizens even their leaders die with the planet, I wonder what the writer was thinking.
      Then as the story moved on Louis Lane was able to find him with little effort, like seriously if its that easy why wouldn't the government have found him long ago and besides in the Superman story everyone knows Louis never knew his identity until he told her this version just seemed stupid. In this movie Superman's strength and speed were greatly reduced i mean it was tough for him to hold up just a tower structure at the oil rig and when did superman start to breath underwater cuz he was in the water for a long time at a point in the movie, and at another point in the movie they said some scientific nonsense about changing the atmosphere of the ship to krypton's thereby weakening him that's just crap the stuff that weakens them is kryptonite so without kryptonite i wonder what miracles they did. I do like the change of the costume though but i still wonder how no one knows its him when his only disguise is his dorky glasses.
       Generally the movie sucked i expected better even though my friends told me not to get my hopes up since all Superman movies have been crap so far, its probably a product of poor and lazy writing.

School vs Home : The War Within

          OK whenever i'm in school and we have like two weeks left to go on a break i get kinda anxious to go home i start missing the luxuries of home like good food, long sleeping hours, great entertainment, freedom and all the other luxuries, and considering my school's rules(Covenant University) that number in their millions its always a great relief to get home where the long arm of the disciplinary committee can't get you. As the days go by time seems to stretch, minutes seem like hours and hours seem like days and when the night before we leave school finally arrives, i start to think about how my friends wouldn't be around and all and all the people i won't see while at home and i start to miss school a little, but immediately i leave the premises those feelings disappear and everything becomes neutral then after i get home things as still neutral for the first two weeks or so enjoying the perks of being home and all but after that period the boredom fully sets in, staying home all day most of the time and getting bored of the TV, and well for me most of my friends live in a different city so i miss hanging with them then i start missing school, then again when its about one week to resumption all the annoying parts of school flash in my mind and i don't want to go back . Finally when i reach school i feel excited to be with my friends again but after chatting about the vacation and most of us just saying how uneventful ours were, we run out of the bulk of things to talk about and you start realising how stressful the semester would be and you start missing the lazy lifestyle of home again, then when work starts proper thngs go back to being neutral and the cycle begins again.

Nigerians And Accents

  

 Nigerians are big fans of accents, you name it British, American, Jamaican, French, Spanish, Indian basically all accents as long as its not their own, if a Nigerian guy decides to visit another country i think they make it a mission to adopt that country's accent how else would you explain someone going on vacation for just three weeks and coming back with an accent seriously must you make it evident that you've been out of the country and more times than not the imitation of the accent is way off so basically you can end up embarrassing yourself so why try.
     For some reason us Nigerians (myself inclusive) don't like our accents, to be honest someone with a Yoruba, Igbo or Hausa accent immediately comes off as uncivilized, illiterate or just as someone who lives in a village, and its that is not always the case, someone with an accent usually has a hard time because of all the jokes and jests and that general assumption that you're local just because of the accent (I learnt this first hand cuz i used to have one but that story is for later) and there's this word generally used to describe anyone with a Nigerian accent or anyone that loves to use their own language a little too much, people call you "RAZZ" but i still don't understand why you would want to stigmatize someone for using their own language its like a Spanish guy making fun of another Spanish guy for speaking too much Spanish or a Chinese guy making fun of another Chinese guy for speaking too much mandarin  or a British guy making fun of another British guy's accent, doesnt exactly make much sense does it.

Suspended!!!

                                                                   
     OK I'm kinda confused right now i was suspended from a social network, yeah i know it sounds strange what does someone do to get his account suspended on a social network but for some reasons unknown to me the admin wasn't pleased with my activities and decided to suspend me at least they could have sent me a warning message first that asks me to stop whatever i was doing wrong but no, i was just kicked out and now whenever i try to visit the site it tells me the admin suspended my account, maybe the admin guy's girl was liking my pictures a little too much or i got the attention of the girl he's been chasing .
   Seriously the only reason i can think of for my suspension is the fact that i've been posting links to this blog everywhere i get the chance to on the site but is that really a valid reason to suspend me, i mean its a social network i should be able to promote my own blog as long as its within what i can do as a member right? And the links i post there are my major source of traffic, this is just sad but as long as one person is still reading (not like the number of my viewers were that far from one anyways) i shall continue.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

     I wonder what inspired the first person to ask that question he probably wanted to have chicken for dinner with his pals then the chicken probably escaped and after a wild chase, the chicken then crossed the road and out of frustration he just had to ask "Why did the chicken cross the road" and then a nearby friend who probably saw the whole thing replied "To get to the other side" and then the whole gang of friends burst into laughter and they went on to make that a popular comedy question. But that's just my assumption seriously what else would lead someone to ask why a chicken crossed the road what business does he or she have with the chicken reasons cant a chicken just cross the road without being put under a microscope, and I've heard different answers to the question like "Cuz there was a black guy chasing it with a biscuit" got that one from a movie and other answers like "M.L.K. Jr.:  I have a dream! That all chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned!" and "To get away from all the 'Why did the chicken cross the road?' jokes. He is seriously ticked off!" but i sincerely never found the chicken crossing the road jokes funny i never really saw the point.
    For the answer that probably took a long time creating and almost made me giggle even though the joke has become a cliche CLICK HERE